Old Poem

by makar7

Published March 25, 2010

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Comments & reviews · 3
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Iamnotperfect
Review
Iamnotperfect wrote a review Review · Nov 3, 2010

Hi, really good sense of descriptiotion. I liked the poem and the way the story evolved going from a low to a high very progressibly. However there is only one stanza that I don't really like :

There is a predator,
hidden amongst the people of the world, vicious and lusting for the kill.


I can't really go into detail of why I don't like that sentence but I'd prefer it said in another way. Apart from that I liked the flow of the poem ... nice work :)

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d@ydre@mer27
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d@ydre@mer27 wrote a review Review · Nov 3, 2010

I just finished reading/reviewing your Russian Roulette story and I found the link to this, to my surprise it was you again!
I definitely think your strengths lean more towards poetry, this is really good! So foreboding and evil sounding, nice work!

''She's left weeping for her ignorance,scarred from the fake allusion,and heartbroken from the beast's true colors.''
This is my favorite part.

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Amnien
Review
Amnien wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2010

I like it, it's dark, compelling and original! At first I pictured the predator as a wolf, but if it has claws it has to be a cougar or a wolverine of some sort? Anyways I like it I also like the ending, I could it picture it as a big wonderful killing cycle! Haha, good work mate! :)



Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
— Willie Nelson