Once in a hostel there were two friends. One of them was rich and the other was poor. Everyday tiffin used to send from their house. The rich man always ate rich food like, paratha with ghee and honey. The poor man always had only some vegetables. One day the two friends were having breakfast together. The rich man had honey with him. Seeing the honey the poor man asked,"what is that?"
"This is honey. Don't you know that?"
"I am really poor. I don't get those. Can I have some?"
The rich man thought something for a moment and then said,"ok. But I have some conditions. First you will have to roam like a dog around the hostel. Then you will get it."
The poor man agreed in the greed of having honey. He ran like a doh around the hostel in front of everyone. Then he said to the rich man, "I did as you said. Now give me honey."
The rich man smiled and said, "you ran like a dog, right? But do u know that dogs don't eat honey? So must not have honey!"
Then he laughed and went away.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello, maishaywca! Wisegirl22 here to review your short story!
First off, this was an extremely meaningful and creative work. I absolutely loved it. But, there are some nitpicks I would like to point out. It's alright of you don't get them or correct them, since you're used to writing in Bangla I won't hold it against you. Now let's get on with the nitpicks! "Hostel", I think, should be "hotel". The third sentence was a bit strange, so I think, tiffin meaning "dinner", that it should be something like this: "Every day, tiffin was sent to their house." Because, of course, the way you wrote it doesn't really make sense. In the fourth sentence, the comma is misplaced. It should be after "food", not "like". The words before a quotation mark must have punctuation and a space between them, or else it may look weird. And, always capitalize the first word after a quotation mark.
"Once in a hostel there were two friends. One of them was rich and the other was poor. Everyday tiffin used to send from their house. The rich man always ate rich food like, paratha with ghee and honey. The poor man always had only some vegetables. One day the two friends were having breakfast together. The rich man had honey with him. Seeing the honey the poor man asked,"what is that?""
In a story or poetry or any type of literature, these words like OK should be spelled out. If you really want to keep it like this, though, I suggest capitalizing it.
"ok. But I have some conditions."
You have a small typo and a spelling error. "Doh" should be "dog", and "hostel" should be "hotel".
"He ran like a doh around the hostel in front of everyone."
If you want this to be a fable, or a story with a moral, I think you should say the moral at the end in italics, just like Aesop. I really enjoyed your piece, and congratulations on your first English piece! Keep writing, maishaywca!
-wisegirl22
Hostel means board school and tiffin doesn't mean dinner, it means a meal which comes from our houses during our school hours..
thanks for the correction
Hostel means board school and tiffin doesn't mean dinner, it means a meal which comes from our houses during our school hours..
thanks for the correction
Hi there! Pony123 here for a review!
This piece is very interesting in the way you chose to write it. I like how you ended it, but I would make it a little less abrupt. I was like, wait! I want some more!!:)
Judging on this as your first story in English, you did pretty well. Remember to capitalize the first letter of quotes, eg. "The cat ran away" The T in The would be capitalized. Watch were you put your commas, some sentences needed them. I would elaborate a little more on the story to intrigue your readers.
Kudos to you for choosing to write in a different language!
Nice Job
----Pony123
Thanks
I like this work, it's really a neat read.
A few points is that there are a typo or two and then if I were you I'd give it a quick read through just to smooth it out, since it's got a bit of a choppy feel.
Make sure to keep writing and bing awesome!
Thanks
Well this is mean. Who is Tiffin? Or should I say what? And what is Ghee, did you mean glee?
Tiffin means meal. Ghee is a kind of milk products.
Ah, thanks.
Hello!!
I could really tell what the moral was! 
I only have a couple of nitpicks though......
Great job! 
)
) This was wonderful!! Keep writing!! 
This was a great short story!!
(I do understand you are used to writing in Bangla, so some of this will come in time, you did a great job though for this being one of your first stories in English!
"But do u know that dogs don't eat honey? So must not have honey!"
u should be you in this sentence. You should also put a you between have and honey. Other than a few spelling mistakes (which I understand, I have been writing English my whole life, and I am still a horrible speller!
-SnazzyPencil
Thanks
This is a story with a rather wicked morale. It's clever for a short story. Well done. The morale is quite clear, and it is a story with a fair point... However, I have a question.
At the beginning of the story, it says that these two are friends. If they are friends, then why does the rich man laugh and leave the poor man alone, and starving? If they were freinds, would he not have given the honey to the man, anyway?
A very good effort, and the descriptions are done well. You should be proud of yourself for writing such an interesting allegory! Well done! ^_^
This story also says that how rich people tortures poor peoples . So even when they were friends they used divide themselves as rich and poor.
Thank you for the comment.
This is my first story in English. Generally I right in Bangla. So, I know I have many mistakes. Please, help me to correct it Thank You.