Published March 2, 2005
Paradise
If the rising sun and ocean tides
Are a bliss unto your mind
Then stay and help us dine
If the dancing winds and crying skies
Are thronged in between your mind
Then stay and help us drink the wine
If you find the truth of life
To be un kind
Then stay and let us ease your mind
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
I think that yoir poem is very pretty, with a real innocence to it, which is lovely to read.
It's so simple but so pretty at the same time.
I love the imagery in the imagery in the second stanza.
The third is even better. It's got a sort of dramatic appeal to it.
It was sweet. It's almlost as if if you carried it on much longer you were ruin it's small, innocent and naive tone that made me like it.
I think that should be "unkind" in the second line.
The only thing I didn't like was the repetition of "mind". I think you are surely talented enough with words to think of two other words that rhyme with the rest of the poem.