Published November 10, 2009
I've heard that milk gives you acne
And I don't want any more of that
So I'm starting a riot against milk
Because acne sucks, and that's a fact
I'm not going to drink any more milk
Because with acne, I have a whole lot
So join me in an almost-acne-free
Adventure against milk boycott!
copyright March 24, 2010 maegardens
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
Yeah, this was mainly for fun and humor, I'll look into it more.
I disagree with Snoink. I think you've got a bit of s Shel Silverstein thing going on here. Funny, light-hearted, but at the same time an expression of your frustration with your hormones. I like it. My only thing is that your rhyme seems out of place without much rhythm. In this case, I'd go with none or both.
Generally, poetry is written to dig further into a subject rather than to gloss over it.
A cliche that comes to mind is, "Write what you know." As you don't seem to know about hormones very much (except that the hormones that your endocrine system secret at your age are rather unpleasant) I would advise to either research the hormones in milk further or to pick another subject that you can delve deeper into. I promise you, either of those two methods will help you write a better poem that you can be proud of.
Good luck!