Proverbs 22:6 says “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Jeremiah 31:17 says “There is hope for the future,” says the Lord, “You children will come again to their own land.” When I was around 10 years old I always wanted to be a teen ager but it was hard to tell which ones where Christian and not. So I wanted to be a person that people looked at and knew she was a Christian.
When I was around 11 and 12 like any other good parents my parents were getting me ready for my teen years. So of course like any person I made big mistakes. One of these that I remember the most is that a Pinterest account got opened in my name because of giving my friends my email information. So my parents had to take my phone away for about a month and I also got my Instagram taken away. So I had no social life for about a month. My parents said that, “ I couldn’t get it back until I was trustworthy.” When you are around this age try not to make huge mistakes because it will just turn into a mess that- you- would- never- want- to- deal- with- again.
A few years later in Jr high; the first year you are a teen and you also have to deal with school at the same time. I remember on the first day of 7th grade I didn’t want to be in a certain class, because none of my close friends were in my class. That morning my mom knew this would be hard for me so she said, “ trust in the Lord because he will give you strength this year.” this didn’t just help me at school but just in general. A few weeks into the school years I became close friends with Taylor F., Brooklyn R., and Rachel H. They were all newer student to WHCS. Over that summer I went to Seattle, Washington with my close friend, Ella.(who was in the other class. that I wanted to be in)
In the end trust the plans God has for you life. Proverbs 22:6 says “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Jeremiah 31:17 says “There is hope for the future,” says the Lord, “You children will come again to their own land.”
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-"When I was around 10 years old I always wanted to be a teen ager but it was hard to tell which ones where Christian and not." Other than what Craz pointed out, I think you may've mistaken 'where' for 'were'.
-"One of these that I remember the most is that a Pinterest account got opened in my name because of giving my friends my email information." Why was this a huge issue for your parents? Were they anti-Pinterest?
-"A few years later in Jr high;" I suggest saying Junior instead of Jr, and capitalizing the High. Or leave them both lowercased. Depends entirely on you.
I'm not sure how to review this, mostly because I'm only barely sure that this is a story. It seems like the inspirational accounts of a teenager (who is you, probably), and it would be unfair to judge it from whether or not it has a climax or good character development or plot or anything of that line. So, I'll judge it based off of how inspirational it is.
In terms of inspiration and motivation, it doesn't do much for me. I can't understand the struggle of not having a social life for a whole month is like, because the author only states facts and never shows the reader how she felt about the incident. S/he also didn't state explicitly why her/his parents didn't want her/his to have a Pinterest account--is it because her/his friends started posting strange things? Whatever it is, there isn't nearly enough explanation to warrant an emotional response. The second story is a little more coherent and human, but not by much.
We then have the problem of transitions between paragraphs. You start out with the protagonist saying s/he wants to be a Christian teenager, and then we have them jump into a random story. What's the relation between them? Are the stories trying to show us how hard it is to be a Christian teenager without flaws? Whatever it is, it didn't come out completely intact by the end of it.
Though I will say that I liked the repetition of one verse in the beginning and the end. It presses a common theme in this story about children being the future, and that we need more Christian kids around to carry that future (which is, from what I'm getting, the intention of the author. Whether other people/readers agree with it is a separate matter entirely that I will not talk about).
Signing out,
--EM.
Heya, I'm here to review your piece~
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The Review:
This strikes me more as a brief blog post than a short story. There is very little climax, no immediate hook, and nothing that connects to the reader to what you're trying to say, even if this is a direct narration and your personal story. I understand that you are trying to teach a lesson, of some sorts; listen to your parents, don't spread personal information, etc. But, I have to say, the examples you list lack emotion and a true sense of wrongdoing. They are facts, listed with very little embellishment - and learning to write creatively is a lot like bedazzling the same thing others have already blinged out, except with a new design and more glitter. Basically, talk about what it felt like to have your social media life taken away. Were you angry? Distraught? Ashamed?
I do approve of the quote technique, though; quotes can be a quick and easy hook and conclusion, if done correctly. However, I suggest that you connect the quotes more to the meaning you are trying to convey. Otherwise, they float above and below the story with no tendon to solidify your story into a living, breathing thing.
I hope you found my review helpful!