Published January 26, 2009
i have written this poem a very long time ago..i just dig this in my old notebook's pile and have decided to post.....
i love you above anyone do
i care for you like nobody ever does
you are the light in my darkest night
and serve as companion in this lonely life
you made me smile whenever i,m sad
your everything that i have
now that your happy
i have to stay away
and just hope that this misery
will fade away easily...
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thank you knightlyangel
i promise to make it better next time
I like the end of this poem best.
All the grammar and punctuation mistakes have been cited already, I belive. Anyway, I think that if you correct that, the flow of this poem will improve greatly. It sometimes gets tedious to read something if there's a lot of grammar mistakes. Anyway, I liked this because it was short and simple and over-all had a great effect regarding the whole making the reader feel the emotions in your work thing.
Great job and keep writing.
thank you springrain and milaScribler...
I,m sorry about those few words
I'm really not good in grammar
maybe that's the reason why
I encounter problems in making my poems..
but I promise to do it better next time
thank you for apreciating my poem guys...
I agree with all break-my-heart said...
If you arrange a few spelling mistakes and correct your few flaws it would bring the poem to a higher level
other than that it is quite good and promising
You are good with words...
The poem shows the love and passion in a few well chosen words.
Keep it up!!
MilaScribbler
Hi there Madel! June here!
So! You have a really cool poem written here, you know that? There are just a few errors that I'm going to correct for you
• The pronoun "I" must always be capitalized
• What do you mean by the end, "anyone do"? That sounds improper, please run over that and make sure it's what you meant
• This line is confusing, dear! I think you mean
And serve as my OR your companion in this lonely life
•The tenses in this scramble a bit, dear.
• Remember to keep your I's capitalized.
You make me smile whenever I'm sad
• The proper contraction for you are is, "You're"
You're everything that I have
• No! Why do you have to stay away?
* ** * * *
You have a really sweet play on words here, Madel. It's such an innocent love poem-- it's not full of guilt and whatever else the typical love poems are filled with. I enjoyed it alot, dear.
Keep it up!
June
thank you break-my-heart...
dont worry i will check some of those lines..
thank you for apreciating my work...
you did well in your poems too
i like the way you construct them...............
that is really really good! oh, by the way, capitalize those I's!!!!! lower case I's will make your piece look sloppy and like you didn't put enough effort into it.
Was this supposed to be a rhyming poem? I caught a couple of rhymes here and there, but I didn't know if they were supposed to be there or not. So I put "/" at places where you can make it into another line and make it rhyme. But that's just me
I really loved this, though. Very talented girl
keep on keepin on
til then
XoXo~AsH