PLOT :
A young girl in high school is constantly being ridiculed by others due to her strong belief in Christian values: including marriage between man and woman, abortion being a sin, and being faithful to your spouse and never allowing divorce to become an option.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I like how your character will have good and strong morals. Just sayin'. ^^
Hey! ChocolateCello here!
(Haven't had a chance to skim the previous reviews so sorry if I'm repeating myself)
So, you're asking for advice on a plot you haven't given. You've shown us
-Characters
-Character details
-Setting
Honestly, this isn't a lot to go on. If you want advice on this 'plot' we need more detail.
What will happen to Jamie? Why does this happen? How does this effect her? What does she do to solve the problem?
Another thing, I truly hope that by the year 2020 people have adjusted to having their own opinions and not forcing ideas on others or singling people out due to things like skin tone, sexual orientation, religion, gender, etc. Now, this is a high hope and I know it probably won't end up being true, but I think by 2020 the whole 'LGBT members are sinners' (An opinion on which I disagree, as I am pan, but I'm not going to fight anybody about) thing and other views that Jamie is being bullied for will have died down quite a bit so I don't think this plan of having the character bullied really fits in the time period. (Was that sentence clear? I don't think the things being a problem in this plot will be a problem by 2020)
Another thing, if you go about writing this in a fashion that show hate against certain groups/beliefs, you're going to get a very select group of readers. Now, you could keep the plot and still write it very politely, making it clear that everyone it entitled to their own opinions, and everything would be great. Just make sure to keep the beliefs polite and keep a positive outlook on the world. Jamie is against same sex marriage, okay, fine, that's her religion, but she wouldn't go yelling at a jewish family because they don't celebrate Christmas, so keep it polite and take that into account. Don't show this character forcing her religious beliefs on others, it'll scare away readers.
Lastly
The last half of this has nothing to do with her father. If you feel the need to include this, move this somewhere else.
-ChocolateCello
(Sorry, this review was sloppy and I was really struggling to keep everything polite so I had a bit of a struggle writing)
ChocolateCello, the idea of there still being friction between homos and people who are against it is perfectly fine. Your idea of us working past it is unrealistic. It is impossible. While there is homosexuality there will be two groups fighting against each other. Are you suggesting that one of them will be gone by then?
ChocolateCello, the idea of there still being friction between homos and people who are against it is perfectly fine. Your idea of us working past it is unrealistic. It is impossible. While there is homosexuality there will be two groups fighting against each other. Are you suggesting that one of them will be gone by then?
I'm simply suggesting that after ten years people might have enough sense to learn to live in harmony
Hey there! cleverclogs here for a Review Day review!
My first word of advice: I think that this would probably be better off as a forum post or a blog entry. People would still probably help, and then you wouldn't have to spend the however-many points it is nowadays to post a work. That being said, I'll still "review" this to the best of my ability.
Well. I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, so as much as I disagree with this, I'll try to be impartial. Here are a few thoughts:
1. Christians make up something like 70% of America, so it seems slightly... weird to me that this character would be ridiculed so much. Here in NC, there are loads of conservative Christians. I'm not sure what it's like in Alaska, but surely she wouldn't be totally alone.
2. This also ties into the "Christians-are-the-majority" thing: If you write this, then don't give this a persecution-complex feel. No one will ever take you seriously if you do that. Don't portray the liberals as mindless bullies. Instead, portray them as people who don't understand. If you don't do this, then your only audience will be people who agree with you. You'll be preaching to the choir. If you want to reach people like me and show us your side of the story, then you can't portray us in such a negative light, as things like this have done before (I'm looking at you, God's Not Dead).
3. This needs much more background before you begin writing it. Right now, all we know about the main character is that she's a Christian. Boom. That's it. What else is there to know about her? Does she like cats? Does she have a short temper? Is she quiet when she's angry, or does she smash stuff up in frustration? Things like this will make your character more three-dimensional. Just make sure your characterizations are consistent.
4. Number three also applies to her family and her life. I know that this story is in the early stages of planning, but these are things you need to do.
5. Where's the plot? The small paragraph at the top is pretty much the set-up, not the story itself. And before you say, "the plot is convincing all the liberals that she's right," I'll tell you that that is a sure way to turn people like me off of your story. Maybe it can be more like both sides reaching a mutual understanding. Maybe she can meet a friend who she really likes and respects as a person, but they don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues and have to learn to live with it. I don't know; it's your story. But don't be condescending to the non-Christians and have us all suddenly convert or be saved or something, because that's just unrealistic.
I think that about covers it, so I'll just say that the bottom line is this: don't be patronizing if you want anyone other than conservative Christians to respect your work. I'm sorry for writing so much; I'm sure you didn't expect such a huge review when you posted this! Keep on writing!
I was skeptical about clicking on your story due to the summary of not knowing what to expect. However I love your idea. I of course love it all the more because I am a Christian myself and love it when I see others doing something positive regarding it. Writing never comes easy but I really hope you can make this work. Best of luck!
I have an idea for you but it's only something that just came to me while reading your thoughts.
What if Jamie was 49. Her seventeen year old self is looking back on her childhood growing up as a Christian. Frequent natural disasters are happening and nobody ever reaches the age of fifty. When she rediscovers her bible and begins prayer, things to start to change.
I have more but it was just a thought anyways. I didn't want to take too much away from your original ideas. Take what you want out of it or don't, happy writing!
Hiya! I'm here for a quick review.
If the story's set in 2020, then manual labour would be replaced with automation. The family can't afford that as they are poor. It'd more realistic if you chose a past time period.
Why's only she picked on for being a Christian? Are there not other Christian students?
You said she was saved at ten. How's that relevant to the plot? Does it become a major driving factor for the character to achieve her goal (or overcome a difficulty)?
You don't have a basic plot set out. It's hard to give our opinions because you haven't given us enough details about how your story will play out. This idea is too brief. You need to develop it more before we can help you.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Keep writing!