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E - Everyone

Phone Problems

by maddyjohnson190


    Jenna checked her phone nothing. Five minutes later, nothing again. "Why do you keep checking your phone Jen?", her mother asked. Jenna didn't want her to know the real reason with was Jenna was getting bullied online because of a text she sent to her friend. The text didn't contain any bad photos or bad texts, but it contained a video of Jenna just being herself. Jenna as herself was very different then who she was on social media. 

She was afraid to show people who she really was off of the social media. But her so called "friend" released the video of Jenna to her social media accounts and then that was when people started to bully Jenna. So instead she just told her mom that she was waiting if her friend could stay the night. But little did she know things would get so much worse.


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Tue May 23, 2017 1:10 am
maddyjohnson190 says...



Thank you all for the positivity!! I am currently working on typing out a story about Dally's point of view when he died. This story is a reference from The Outsiders. I will put a spoiler warning in the beginning of it because THIS WILL SPOIL THE END OF THE BOOK. You have been warned. Lol <3




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Sun Apr 30, 2017 7:46 am
fatimagilani wrote a review...



hi there!
It is really difficult to write a story in just a few lines so I appreciate your writing skills. Social media is such a mess sometimes. Your story contains deep thoughts like we are not being ourselves on social media and want to live in the world of fantasy, want to live in others skin and as soon as anybody leaves that world, the people of the world knocks that person down. I loved how well you depicted the friendship of these days, full of betrayal. Just a few grammatical mistakes but it can be improved...
thanks for writing
keep on writing and observing.....
:)






Thank you very much! Know I have a few grammar mistakes. i type very fast lol :) your comment makes me want to write more. -Maddy



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Mon Apr 24, 2017 1:10 am
Saruka wrote a review...



Hi there Maddy! Saru here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Jenna checked her phone nothing.

I feel as if this would be better phrased as, "Jenna checked her phone. Nothing."
"Why do you keep checking your phone Jen?"

Maybe add a comma in, like ""Why do you keep checking your phone, Jen?""
Jenna didn't want her to know the real reason with was Jenna was getting bullied online

Maybe reword this to something along the lines of "Jenna didn't want her to know the real reason was that Jenna was getting bullied online".
Jenna as herself was very different then who she was on social media.

Maybe take out the 'as' and possibly add what she did in the video, or what she's usually like on social media.
She was afraid to show people who she really was off of the social media.

I feel as if this would flow better with the 'the' at the end taken out.
So instead she just told her mom that she was waiting if her friend could stay the night.

This seems a bit weirdly worded, maybe say something like, "So instead she just told her mom that she was waiting for a text from a friend."
The line,
But little did she know things would get so much worse.

makes me think this is sort of an intro, or a 'trailer' to a book coming soon. If that's the case, maybe release less information. Keep your readers hooked and waiting excitedly for more. I'd also like to know what the video was of, if you wanted to sneak that in there.
I like the concept of this story, keep writing ;)
-Saru




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Mon Apr 24, 2017 1:09 am
Sheyren wrote a review...



Hey there! Shey here for a super short review!

Basically I have only one comment... I didn't intend to review anything right now, but I read this and wanted to suggest this to you for future works.

I really enjoyed this piece, because it had a really powerful message. My only problem with it was how the message was just stated blatantly. "This was what happened, now this is the result." Instead maybe have a scene with her reading one of the bully's messages, then have her go back to the video her friend shared. Have her regret sending it to the friend. This would state the problem and show what caused it without saying "the problem is this."

Hope this was helpful for future works. The example above is just a suggestion, not something you would ever need to do. However, I would hope you keep this concept in mind next time you post something.

Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, cause I'd love to see more!





What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't be a bit childish sometimes?
— 4th Doctor