My voice is truthful but my words are lying
My spirit is resisting but my mind is complying
My eyes are dry but my heart is crying
My body is alive but my soul is dying
My lips are smiling but this smile is not real
My skin will repair but my heart will not heal
My secrets are spoken but my truth is concealed
My body is safe but my mind I can't shield
My mind is bursting but I am empty inside
My innocence is gone but myself I cannot hide
My eyes are open but my vision is blind
My hopes are fading as I struggle to fight
My voice is truthful but my words are lying
My spirit is resisting but my mind is complying
My eyes are dry but my heart is crying
My body is alive but my soul is dying
My mouth is speaking but only silent words
My ears are listening but the voices go unheard
My questions are asked but they are not answered
My memories are clear but my mind is blurred
My body is here but my mind has gone astray
My mouth wants to speak but the words I can't say
My face may look happy but this happiness is fake
My body may be whole but I am about to break
My voice is truthful but my words are lying
My spirit is resisting but my mind is complying
My eyes are dry but my heart is crying
My body is alive but my soul is dying
My secrets are revealed but I am still in hiding
My body is now my own but in my mind he is residing
And somehow, despite all of this, I am still surviving.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi!
I really enjoyed your poem. Sure it was a little bit emo. But it made me feel something. A lot of poem's I have ready made me feel blah. But yours didn't, I felt something.
Kepp up the great work!!
Kelsi =)
thank you everyone!
i want you to know that i really appreciate all the feedback!
I love the over-all pattern of this poem - it's dark and grim, and I like it. However, some of the rhymes just seem a little shaky, I guess. For instance,
"My mind is bursting but I am empty inside
My innocence is gone but myself I cannot hide
My eyes are open but my vision is blind
My hopes are fading as I struggle to fight "
inside and hide are great, but blind and fight seem thrown in. I get what you were trying to say, though - I merely think it could run a wee bit smoother in places. Thanks for sharing!
Wow, this is a pretty emo poem and I kind of like it. Good rhyming scheme! I like it a lot.
Hmm. I do like the theme of this poem; that throughout you are describing everything that is wrong, and then the last line that turns it around. However, just by glancing at it I knew that I would find it too repetitious, perhaps you could just shorten it, or try to bring your ideas out in a different way. The repetition is just a wee bit tedious, but this has great potential. Keep writing!