Young Writers Society

I really liked this. It's beautifully written yet simple. I love the emotion that just seems to flow along with the words. Great job and good luck on your future writes.

hello!

--- I like the poem, well, I got the message somehow, the only thing I demand is to make this poem longer so that you can explain the emotions very well. Maybe, it was just me but I cannot completely paint the picture of the scene you're trying to show in your poem, like.. make me imagine why no one could understand the character.. something like that? O.o Or, maybe you can ignore this comment, uh, I just think that this one should be a little longer.. hope this can help somehow.

Short enough to be intresting, long enough to cover everything. Good job with the skirt rule!

This poem is alright. I feel like your poem could be better if you expanded upon your concept. Sometimes the hardest part about writing a poem is the idea behind it. I like this poem, but it could be much better by adding lots of details about how you see your world as the title implies. The last line is very powerful, as housecat said, but if it was structured in a more artistic way it would be better. Over all, great concept, short, sweet, but not descriptive enough! Keep going! You have wonderful potential!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you today.

I found that the poem was really choppy because of the way you executed the punctuation. I read it like this:

If you knew me you would understand. stop
I have secrets you've never heard of. stop
Buried deep. stop
I'm trying to forget. stop
Can I yet? stop
Even when you're blindfolded your eyes are open. stop

If you knew me you would understand that
I have secrets you've never heard of,
Buried deep and
I'm trying to forget...
Can I yet?
Even when you're blindfolded your eyes are open.

The last line was pretty amazing. This is very simple, but I like it the way it is.