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Young Writers Society



Underworld High

by lysp23


Prologue

We’re all in our cave at the moment, but it is a little crowded with our two newest members of our family, Oro and Cloud. Plus, it’s getting a little stuffy. However, on the plus side now that it’s night, the rock is cool against my skin when I lay down to go to sleep. Unfortunately none of us will be doing any sleeping, for we have to keep moving around the island so Canaan doesn’t find us.

“You can’t be serious!” Brandon, my boyfriend, is furious with me at the moment, but hopefully he’ll get over it and soon. I hate how this cave has an echo!

“Actually it makes sense.” Flame, my sister agrees with me...For once.

“Yeah, man. She can send this out to the others and maybe just maybe someone will find it and write one back.” Whyet, Flame’s boyfriend agrees as well (he's not really her boyfriend I just call him that to bug both of them).

“First, let’s make sure it’s accurate before I agree to something this juvenile.” He was joking of course for he flashed a white grin towards me.

“Go ahead, read it. Personally I say it’s my best work.” I smile and encourage him to open it and read it aloud. Hopefully everyone will accept it and go along with my plan!

“Yeah, let’s hear it!” Malinda egged him on as well, but Alexis stayed quietly in the background waiting for something to happen. She hasn’t shouted her opinion out yet. I wonder why. Maybe secretly, she’s asleep. That’s what I’d be doing if Brandon would talk quieter.

Part 1- Informato

Chapter 1

Hey! I know most of you are mortals who are reading this right now, but if you're not then great! Anyways I'm here to tell you about my world, my story anyway, even if I'm not supposed to. You see my family is the ruler of this so called "Underworld" and well right now we're kind of in some trouble. You see my father is a werewolf and my mom's a vampire, which makes my sister and me half vamp and half wolf, but that's really not the case. Since my sister and I are twins I'm seventy-five percent werewolf and twenty-five percent vampire, and my sister's seventy-five percent vampire and twenty-five percent werewolf.

My mom and dad are king and queen of the "Underworld" at the moment, which makes me, Star, and my sister, Flame, princesses, and right now we are preparing everyone for a war. The "Underworld" basically consists of what you mortals call mythical creatures. I'll name some of the most common ones you see now a days, which include; Vampires, werewolves, wizards, jenies, goblins, dwarves, fairies, witches and warlocks, elves, angels, Cyclops, mermaids, gorgons, griffins, phoenix, unicorns, satyr, minotaur, banshees, giants, dragons, drows, shape shifters, and hobgoblins. We all live on the same planet called Earth, just in different places you mortals haven't yet discovered.

Oh, and you know that thing that you like to call the Bermuda Triangle? Well all the disappearances that happen aren't really mysteries you know. They are usually caused by banshees (women spirits who are usually there to warn you of your oncoming death), shape shifters (men and women who shape shift into anything you can imagine and even become invisible), and last but certainly not least mermaids. We "Underworld" creatures get bored and tired of you mortals thinking you own everything and know everything!

Back to the basics. We call our land the "Underworld" because we are at the bottom of the existence charts. I mean come on, don't tell me you mortals actually believe in Fairies, well not counting the five year olds out there. Even though we call our home the "Underworld" we're not really under the world. We actually live in the Bermuda Triangle, and on an island in the Pacific Ocean. You mortals haven't found this island yet, nor have you found out that your worst nightmares can and eventually will come true whether you like it or not.

Anyways back to the story, I'll stop blabbering and get on with what I'm here for.


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User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 1081
Reviews: 8

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Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:41 pm
lysp23 says...



Thanks for the reviews guys I appreciate it. I have, as you can see, cut it way shorter and added as well as deleted a few things. Well, the other chapters will be or already are here on this website. I hope you still look it over because I'm sure it could be better. Thanks!




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541 Reviews


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Reviews: 541

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Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:55 pm
Lauren2010 wrote a review...



O.o I agre with Tayla, this is very long for one post. Smaller peices (maybe only one or two chapters) encourage people to read and review, and it's also a lot easier for their eyes to handle!

Anyways, I read a bit of this and just have a few things to say...

Please, please, please, for the love of all that is good and wonderful in YWS do not use caps to emphasize anything, ever! Instead of caps, use italics. It gets the same point across is a much more gramatically correct manner. Also, exclamation points can do this too.

Another, if you ever want to use elipsis (the multiple dots that signify trailing off in dialogue) you should only use three. So instead of:

"I'm fine; I was just.....Lost in thought." I said with a laugh.


"I'm fine; I was just...lost in thought." I said with a laugh.

That's about all I have from what I read. Anyways, good job. I like the way this story (at least what I read of it) is written. It's different and interesting. Keep working on it, and keep writing!

-Lauren




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99 Reviews


Points: 4049
Reviews: 99

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Sat Aug 29, 2009 7:14 pm
TaylaChase wrote a review...



Hi,
I would suggest breaking this up into parts. It's quite long and lots of time people don't want to read something this long, or don't have the time. You'll be more likely to get more reviews on a shorter piece rather than a long one.
I'm sorry to disappoint you by posting and not critiquing, but I don't have the time right now to sit down and read a really long piece like yours right now.

~Tayla





As a former (and rather excellent) liar herself, Aru knew that, sometimes, speaking the truth felt like wrenching a thorn out of your side. But doing the opposite meant pretending it wasn't there. And that made every single step ache. It was no way to live.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality