Suicide

Hey, Chips here with a review.

This seemed like a sensitive topic of discussion for an essay. Unfortunately, quite a few people can relate with suicide, whether it being having suicidal thoughts or actually contemplating it. It seems to be an emotion everyone feels at some point in their lives. I don't necessarily agree with most points in your essay, to me, suicide shouldn't be romanticized or seen as something attractive I don't see anything beautiful about it; Suicide results in death, which you can never come back from that's simply the harsh reality of it. Life can be precious, if you just look on the positive side.

Opinions aside, I have a few suggestions which may be of help to further improve your essay.

"Suicide is just a word but it mortifies more people than we can imagine."

There should be a comma after, "word". I found the word choice of, "mortifies" - meaning embarrassed or ashamed, to not quite fit in context to the sentence. For an opening sentence I think a stronger adjective would have been better, such as *distraught, horrify, appalls, shatters etc...*

"But to people like me, it's not just a word. It's an escape. It's my reality. It's happiness. It's contentment."

I liked the use of describing emotions here. But the abrupt short sentences became a little too much, from the essay viewpoint. You use quite a few short sentences such as this throughout your essay so just be careful with that.

"But most of all, it's heaven! Few people would understand."

I would avoid exclamation marks in essays, but I understand it was to create a greater emphasis.
In general, I think your introduction could use some more detail to be stronger. Perhaps writing the definition of "suicide" itself from a dictionary source, then maybe giving your personal definition of it?

"It is not just a dark thought."

For statements, it would be useful to give details to avoid sounding bias or generalizing. So you could elaborate more on thoughts here.

"They don't know how difficult it is to ignore all their hurtful words and just let all the hatred and pain inside of us."

Here, you began to make a point, but an example of "hurtful words" people may make would have been useful. Perhaps giving a bullying type scenario and how that might lead to suicidal thoughts or contemplation.

"People who commit suicide are not bad."

Again, here you could elaborate more on why they are not bad because making statements alone are not reliable enough in essays.

"Good night."

This isn't really a phrase I would end an essay with. It may just be my ignorance, but if you didn't intend for this to be an essay, "Other" would be well suited to this. Otherwise, I hope this review helped. And hopefully it didn't come off too harsh.

Since you've written on suicide, I hope you're okay Keep your head up and keep smiling. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

--Chippy x

i totally understand what your talking about because i have felt suicidal. people commit suicide not because they are weak but to end the pain they are feeling. they want to escape to that place between life and death, where there is no feeling,no pain, no suffering. i escape to my imaginary world in my sleep to escape my problems in life. my sleep is my bit of paradise cause no one and nothing can tanish it's beauty. no one can harm my sleep without harming me. write more very beautiful yet dark work.

love from,
bobiscrazy998

I understand where you are coming from, and I did like this piece. It's a start for letting people know how suicidal people think, which would change a lot of people thoughts about it. You truly put your feelings into it, and I don't know if you are thinking about doing this, or just writing about, but whichever, you can talk to me, I'd be glad to listen.

Alrighty Rebel. My name's Ossum and this is your review for... for... alright listen you! NO GOING AND BEING SAD AROUND ME GOTS IT! Smiles and more smiles are the only thing you may do around these parts ya hear? Now... as for this piece.

I liked it. Though it was dark and gloomy, it had a taste that I would have, without, went straight to another work. But it held me, your word choice and structure were very well thought out and it was both easy and a struggle to read. Let me explain the struggle.

As someone who has lost a many good men and woman and friends and family to this being in the military, I like to see if I can find where in the writing does the reasoning come from. Not that I would say my assumptions on here, but that is what keeps me interested in these kinds of works. The struggle of finding the struggle. If there is no struggle in finding it, then I usually skip it because they are usually out for attention and I dont have time for that kind of nonsense.

Anyway, I understood after a few rereads what I considered is underlining it all. The emotion overlapped nicely and it masked it just as any of us would. Military isn't all sunshine and rainbows, and I know a mask over depression when I see it. It is exactly what made this piece readable and well... for no better term, enjoyable. Though I will say again... only smiles around here got it?

As for the work, keep it up. You are doing just great as a writer and I swear if something happens where I don't get to read more so help me I will come over there and tickle you with a billion and seven feathers. o_O DONT TEST ME!

As always, have a great and outstanding day.