No one will understand how I feel for him.
Although I have lost and my chances are slim.
He may fool me and treat me like I'm his toy.
That won't stop me 'cause he's my only source of joy.
Even though he takes my love for granted,
he's still the same person I've always wanted.
He flirts with other girls in front of my eyes.
I know it hurts but I know I'm alright.
He may yell at me for being this childish,
but his smiles and laughters, that's my only wish.
I don't know if I look stupid to stay.
But let me say something, I know I'm okay.
One may think I'm pathetic and strangely pitiful.
But I love him so much, I'll endure being a fool.
No one can intervene with the love I pay.
I just want to show him for I know I'm okay.
I don't want him to leave though he really hates me.
I prefer being bullied than to set him free.
i just want to be loved by him in every perfect way.
I don't mind dying for him, I know I'm okay.
He can cheat on me, he knows that much.
Yeah I'm naïve 'cause I can let him do such.
His happiness and contentment are the only things I pray.
Even if I'm hurting, I know I'm okay.
He told me to die, to stay out of his sight.
Tears fell on a blade as it glistened through the night.
I don't feel the pain, everything just turned grey.
I love you just the same and with that I'm okay.
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140,379 Literary Works • 673,131 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!
Technical:
"I know it hurts but I know I'm alright.", "alright" should be "all right."
I realized after reading through the poem this is the only time you say "all right" instead of "okay. Why is that? So although the spelling correction stands, I'm modifying that advice to change "alright" to "okay".
Content:
That felt really real, like that was someone's life laid out on the page. The pain felt real, the desire felt real, everything felt real. Good job, and keep it up.
Hope this helps! Happy Review Day!
Well, I don't know either why I put "All right" instead of "okay"..
But thanks for the review..
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent! Great job! I really like this poem because somewhere it does happen. Its a sad poem. But true at heart. This is great poetry and your an Amazing and outstanding poet. Great job! I would be interested in reading your other poetry. So keep up the good work! Keep writing!
From,
Buddy886551
thank you
Very nice poem indeed, I like the way you convey emotion, particularly in the last stanza. There are just a few things in terms of rhyme and rhythm which I thought could be touched up a little; there are some lines which just don't quite fit as well as they could, such as 'That won't stop me 'cause he's my only source of joy' and 'but his smiles and laughter, that's my only wish'. They're probably only really a syllable or so out of rhythm, but if they could be somehow neatened it would make the whole thing flow more easily. The last stanza in particular is very nice but sad, it rhymes reasonably well and ties up the rest of the poem nicely.
All in all, a good poem, but perhaps a few tweaks with the rhythm would help make it professional.
Hehe. .thanks. Maybe that's because I depend on how I pronounce it
Oh wow. Such powerful words, I actually love it! I love how you made it sound so realistic and emotional that you can just relate.
xo
~Great Job!