I stand there with tears in my heart
Smile on my face
Watching the people
I love the most
Break my heart
Again and again
Over and over
Never knowing what they are doing
What effect it has on me
How bad it can hurt
How many tears I have cried
Yet everyday I go back
I go through it over and over again
Because I do not how to do anything else
Can they not tell
Can they not see
How much they are hurting me?
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi lyndzie! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing, okay?
So, the biggest issue with this is what has been mentioned above: it's too common. When you pick up a theme that has been written upon several times, you'll have to bring something fresh to it, something new, to make it original, or else, what differences your poem from ever other one about this? In fact, you have to make this theme your own. You need to present it as something that no one has read before. One thing that might help with that, is the variety of word choice. For example, English isn't my first language so word variety is a little hard for me. That's why I have a resource! www.rhymezone.com Yep, I go there and find synonyms and stuff.
Some nit-picks? Yep ^.^
This repetition is too used, and it doesn't work in this.
This is a part of the poem that sets me a bit off. Why? Because in the beginning you start by telling us that you have 'tears in your heart' meaning your not externalize them. That idea stands better for me; gives me a bit more of your character. This says exactly the contrary so it's not very good.
Anyway, keep working on it
- Kat
because I do not 'know' how to do anything else.
Do you mean that? hehe
So, I think this poem is very... ordinary... plain... cliche.
I do like the words you are using, and I get what you are talking about. But, there are so many poems out there, and they all are formed around the same basic concepts.
Love
family
beauty
life
things like that. If you want to make your poem original, you might have to use metaphors, similes, oxymoron's, etc.
I know it's hard, but keep trying! I think you have something here...
Classy
Short,but very nice and effective is how I would describe what you have written.
A little about the theme:This one was a common topic.People complaining about being ignored is something we often come across.Mere oblivion to how others feel really can cause some emotional damage to sensitive people.
You also shed light on how people need to hide their true feelings in society and live like they do not want to live.
Good job