The front yard had been our limit
It had been our Bermuda Triangle
Our fantasies got lost in it
Spinning around and around until we fell down
Clutching our ribs from laughing pains
The sun beat down on us as we lay there
Darkening mine skin and burning hers
Creating freckles underneath her deep brown eyes
And across her nose
I remember her sitting up and
Tucking her long legs under her
Her shirt blew up from the wind and covered her face for a moment
But I saw her hand come down
And pick a tiny Blanketflower
It’s blood red color and yellow edges seemed to be watching and listening too
Her expression pleading forgiveness to it’s life she had just ripped from the source
She raised the flower to the sun and it’s smallness became clearer
Her eyes widened
Making them no longer brown, but a pure gold
She looked the flower up and down
And seemed to be measuring its worth
The freckled skin under her eyes crinkled
As her lips curved into a smile
She jumped up and pulled me to her
Then led me around until we had gathered enough flowers
And offered enough apologies
To make a crown out of
She used her long thin fingers to knot the stems together
Once a circle was formed she turned to me
And placed it on my head
Her fingers lingering there as she saw how it looked
Her fingertips brushed my cheeks as she nodded approvingly
And took my hand
I felt a different version of myself step out of my body and watch the scene unfold
I watched her and I got swallowed by the sun
As we sat and watched the scarlet, plum, and coral colors erupt from the sky.
And in all that time,
My crown of flowers had only gotten slightly tilted.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello, BookWolf here for a quick review!
Like grey said, this is breathtaking. I love your choice of words and the length seemed perfect! I can't really find any mistakes. I loved the ending. You have amazing talent, and that's obvious enough. 
I hope I get to read more from you soon.
This was awesome!
Sorry this is so short!
Bye for now, and keep writing!
~BookWolf
This is sorta breathtaking. Honestly. I'm writing this review in a cold, dark theater at a rehearsal and yet I feel the heat from the sun and see the bright garden around me. It is beautiful. The imagery is unbelieably clear.
This would be transitioned from a good poem for its content, but it will be much more polished if the lines did not run together which can be easiy fixed with a comma at the ends of some lines where a pause is needed but the thought still continues. I'm actually having difficult time picking out where would be good to do this because this flows just so darn well...
Okie, review time. Punctuation, please.
Well one place that would benefit from punctuation:
"As we sat and watched the scarlet, plum, and coral colors erupt from the sky (PERIOD)/ And in all that time (COMMA)/ My crown of flowers had only gotten slightly tilted (PERIOD)"
By the way, I love the ending...
Another thing you could do is fix the tenses. You switch between past to perferct past or whatever that tense is called when you say "had only gotten slightly tilted" rather than "crown of flowers only tilted slightly." Pick one and stick to it.
Now I must thank you again, this is beautiful. Keep writing!
*the grey reality
thanks so much!! that means a lot to me! i see what your saying about the commas and ill edit it.
Aww this is sweet! But watch your tenses! You have the tendency to put present and past in like every other line, but that's my only legit criticism. Otherwise, this poem was very unique and refreshing. I at first wasn't going to read it but I really liked the title. Good job with the title! It grabbed my attention! All in all this poem is really sweet and I truly enjoyed its innocence. Keep writing!
Thanks!!!!