Young Writers Society

Pretty much everything was already said. To feel you the truth I really expected this to be cheesy, come on its Disney. I was pleasantly surprised by this fanfiction, it was dark and pretty good. I did not expect the ending and it was a pleasant and graffic conclusion.
The only thing that bugged me was the middle where you are describing the fight and the bleeding. It was a bit too wordy for me at times but I think someone already commented in that.
All in all it was written well for a Disney fanfiction, I will never watch Sleeping Beauty the same again

Oh dear, I am overcome with jealousy. I guess I'll start with the faults to boost my ego a bit

The crimson liquid that kept him and all other mortals alive dripped down the paling skin of his back.

I loved this! It was so descriptive and a more realistic, darker ending to the Disney version. Disney ruined the Brothers Grimm stories. You know how the prince woke the princess in Sleeping Beauty? By having sex with her! Plus Cinderella was based on Ashputtle which was a very bloody, morbid tale.

"pools of blue"?
it would make sense that you mean her eyes here, but then it doesn't when you realize that she's sleeping and her eyes are closed. Unless you were going for a creepy, open-eyed, staring into the abyss which is mine kind of sleep. In that case that's cool to.

I quite liked this piece and I'm sure that there isn't anything I can say that other have said already.

One thing, though. Maleficent didn't have green skin, it was more of a grey hue. Perhaps you were thinking of the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz?

Other than that, I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of it. A job very well done. Have you considered re-writing some more?

this was a very clever and intriguing twist on the classic disney story. I never would have thought of that. i believe that at the end, however, the gore was a little overboard but other than that, I think it was fantastic, no matter how gruesome the sad ending was. i, for some reason, tend to like taking a traditional story and twisting and altering it up a bit. overall, great job. i hope to see more of your work.


~Morgan~

This painted a great picture for me. I could really picture it all. I particularly liked the part where the dragon ripped his body to pieces. Deffinately a twist to this sweet fairytale!
Tis a shame that Arora will never wake up now... Hehe

pale maiden with pools of blue

Wow. Very descriptive, although I prefer happy endings, you wrote this piece beautifully and thats what counts. You did great on the imagery, unfortunately I could see everything happening, even the gorey parts. Great job, and good luck with your writing!!!

Even though The prince never kissed Sleeping Beautyand woke her up like the original story goes, I thought this was a splendid ending. I honestly like this ending more, it has more life in it. Good job. Everybodys yelling at me for not saying whats wrong with other peoples story because thats what a critique is. But there was nothing wrong with this onein my opinon. so.. Good Job!

Very good work. Nice and gory. The only mistakes I saw were the ones already pointed out.

Okay, I see that everything has been said, lol. I just wanted to add that the description of the dragon was fabulous.

It was very well written, and I'm not sure if someone already said this but when you said, "A fair-haired, pale maiden with pools of blue and full red lips." I think you meant with pools of blue for eyes or something like that but as it is it sounds like she has pools of blue on her...

This is wicked cool. It unfortunetly would never happen, disney hasn't made anything have a sad ending in a while. If this were to be a disney picture It wouldn't be so bloody, the dragon would of just eaten him whole instead of ripping him in half sendin g blood everywhere. Oh well. Send it into disney and see what happens that would be hilarious they could call it

Happily Never afters: the true stories

It wasn't perfect, but it didn't really need to be. Obviously this was just for fun and to amuse, and I was certainly amused. The image of Phillip getting horribly mutilated by Malificent pleased me, and not just because I think that Phillip is another annoying one-sided character of old-school Disney. Malificent is one of the coolest villains ever, and I think that she definitely should have beat him.

It amused me and with fanfiction, that's all that matters.

A fair-haired, pale maiden with pools of blue and full red lips.

Pools of blue what?

I’m not a fan of Sleeping Beauty (or fanfiction). I also did not think the ending was as impressive as the beginning, especially as the description of the dragon was fabulous.

-- Myth

luna_the_shiekah wrote:His duty was to never be completed. In his haze of blood loss and desire for the lady held beyond his reach by magic and stone, the dragon flew up and descended upon him from the stormy skies above, its jaw unhinging and forcefully pulling his body apart. His torso separated from his pelvis, his blood showered the morbid vines as the witch crunched on his bones and delighted in the taste of his organs.

The dragon screeched and roared, fire mimicking its opposite forms flesh erupting from its gaping maw.

KazSmurf: I see your point on the gore, I just threw it in to be bloody.

Lilyy: I wasn't aware there were different versions of the word fiancee' depending on the gender of the person. Thanks for that tidbit though!

Thanks for the critiques ^_^

This was interesting! I quite liked the way it held to the original in some ways, but was much darker. The Prince's thoughts about the girl were especially well done. I can only think of a few small things that could be improved...

Prince Phillip panted and quickly dove to the side of the rocky cliff.

... as the woman's fiancée.

Overall, i thought this was good. There were a few things that were unnecessary, so i will review those.

The dragon screeched and roared, fire mimicking its opposite forms flesh erupting from its gaping maw.

The crimson liquid that kept him and all other mortals alive dripped down the paling skin of his back.

His torso separated from his pelvis, his blood showered the morbid vines as the witch crunched on his bones and delighted in the taste of his organs.