Young Writers Society

Okay, I got some spare time on my hands so I shall go through it and outline the typos and spelling mistakes as well as a few possible changes.... Oh and first off, you need to introduce the name of your character or at least call her the lady rather than she and add more imagery throughout this piece...

She stood there, staring at them. They were on their knees, bowing to her, as they should be. Then the rain came down.
A silk umberella was put above her head, and her men carried her back to her palace steps [Perhaps change to the steps of her palace?] on one of her many [Maybe something stronger like countless] golden thrones. [Too common. Perhaps jewel encrusted] She walked up the marble stairs one at a time [add a comma here] hoping not to slip and [Probably better to use or] fall. As powerful as she acted, she truly was [Maybe was truly rather than truly was?] insecure, [Fullstop here I think] her need to seem perfect [insert a comma] to keep control was becoming far too excessive. Once at the top, her door men [Guards rather than men? Again, the word is too weak] opened her ten foot tall bronze [Bronze? After a gold throne that seems like a large step down, even if they are ten foot.] doors and let her in to go dry off. [Go in to dry off would sound better.]
She looked out her bay window, staring at the pitiful lives [Lifeforms would make more sense] bowing down to her. She was dry, warm and about to eat a delicious dinner, while the peasants stayed outside, bowing in the rain and mud
"Pitiful little things they are, they live in grub, mud, and pig pens for homes." She thought to herself, for she had no need to say it out loud, [Dash rather than comma? Or semi colon] everyone knew that's [That was would be more appropriate] how she felt.
"Lady Yoma, Lady Yoma,"cried [Capital after speech] a messenger [Comma here] as he came running through the hallways "the King has sent the Lora Troop to you, they are on their way, it was supposed to be unknown, but I saw them and master told me to hurry and tell you, they're almost here!" He shouted frantically.
The Lora Troop, [No comma here] was the Kings best army, they were fighters, strategists, assassins, and mostly spies. They went wherever the King felt was not being ruled well enough. They were considered a bad omen to most.
"GET OUT OF HERE ![No space between the words and the exclamation mark] Get out of here you filthy little swine! You bring mud [Comma here] germs, [No comma here] and disgust into my palace, I should have you hanged! Arguse get him out of here, I don't care how, just get this pig out of here, NOW!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.
She stomped up to her room, her maids scurrying after her like a group of pidgeons. Arguse took the boy to the front door and gave him a bit of money as a token of apology.
Arguse gave the boy a letter to send and almost instantaneously [Comma here] the boy looked at Arguse, knowing who it was for. He knew he should resist the temptation to start asking how Arguse knew the person who the envelope was addressed to, but the second he opened his mouth Arguse shushed him.
"Little words can be heard by ears of rats and mice," he [Again capital after speech] said looking over his shoulder.
"She will get what is coming to her, a certain person will take care of that," the [And again. Capital after speech] messenger thought menacingly to himself [Space required here] "she will get what's coming to her!"
And then the soldiers were there.

wile the peasants stayed out side
while*

there almost here!
*they're

They were considered a bed omen to most
I hope you mean a 'bad' omen

Aside from those minor mistakes, I have a few other things to say. First, I agree with the Lordess; it needs to be longer. Short pieces are fine if they achieve everything they mean to, but this doesn't. There is so much more that needs to be written. Descriptions, thoughts, actions (of everyone, not just the Lady) and anything else that will provide a more in-depth level of writing. You aren't just telling a story, you're creating an entire world. Remember that.

One other thing: the part where you say

She walked up the marble stairs one at a time hoping not to slip and fall.

I think you should get rid of the hoping not to slip and fall. It makes the character seem weak, out-of-depth. If you're trying to create her as powerful and dominating, don't give her fears that small.
That was just a minor thing, but too many of those became BIG things.

Anyway, it sounds promising and all the rest of it. Keep writing.

I know people say chapter length is up to the writer but I think you should make it longer. Maybe you should try describing things a bit more: the way the peasants look, the palace, the characters faces ect.

I like how you ended the chapter, but you hadn't really gotten me enough in to the story for it to be really suspenseful. Again, maybe if you mad it longer.

Good start.