I can still remember that day, that day so long ago I was sitting in the passenger side of the car. eating my Tim Horton's chocolate chip muffin, and drinking my small chocolate milk. My younger sister was sitting in the back seat, eating the same thing. As we were pulling into the drive way, and my dad look down at me, and then looked at my younger sister, starting to tear up as he said
"girls, I'm going away for awhile, across Canada. I don't know for how long, but its better if were apart." and dropped us off at our moms house, and drove away.
At the time I didn't know what he meant by a longtime. I never knew a longtime meant almost 7 years. Until that one day when he showed up again.
Standing in the doorway of the hotel room with his soon to be wife, and two photo albums
and he said "hey girls, do you remember me?"
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I put my reviews in bold!!
Overall, I like it! Just a few corrections and it is perfect,... think.. But anyways. Nice job.
Jeez...I've been in the exact same situation. Are you writing this from personal experiance or creative expression? Whichever it is, somehow, this poem hits me where it counts. Excelent job! My one idea is that you break your writing into stanzas, only because the first little bit stretched out the board, and made it difficult to read. Other then that, amazing!
Excellently done. I like how you used the quote in the middle, it made the poem feel more alive. Good job!