Published November 14, 2008
why are you looking in here?
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lukas8u,
"a bit like poop" is not a very appealing way to describe anything--especially not when it's a pet the Narrator claims to love.
The rhyme scheme needs to be consistent. Right now you have the following:
cut
poop
fresh
best
I'm going to give you the benefit of a doubt and assume "cut" and "poop" are meant to rhyme. In that case, the scheme is:
A
A
B
B
Then we come to:
big
gas
pig
think
and the best I can do here is
A
B
A
A (a big stretch: pig doesn't rhyme with think)
and finally
much
such
well
too
which is:
A
A
B
C
It's erratic and detracts from the poem overall. Consider fixing it or taking it out completely.
As regards the content of the poem, your descriptions are terribly vague. You should always ask yourself, after you've said something, "Like what?" For instance, "Occasionally stinky, sometimes fresh" could be far more descriptive--does she smell stinky because she's been out in the woods all day, or did she just get into the neighbor's garbage? Repeat this throughout and see if you don't come out the better for it.
Take care,
Brad