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Young Writers Society

To My Mistakes...

by lubnafirdaus

While writing this,

I address a gathering of many.

From white lies to disgraceful sins,

All that feast over perception.


I've known some for years,

Some for mere days.

Some I'm friends with,

Some I wish I could forget.


The ones in cottage-core dresses

Saved me when they had to.

The ones in wine ball gowns

Were the cause of ruin.


Many more will join them

In a few moments.

But I owe them;

They taught me when nobody could.

~Lubna F

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22 Reviews

Points: 442
Reviews: 22

Sun Feb 26, 2023 6:55 am
yamatri wrote a review...

hey , I am here for the review .

so lets start from the beginning, the topic of the poem, dedicating the poem to your mistakes is a nice topic ,

1st stanza = while writing this...

-the opening sets the base for how the poem is set up,

2nd stanza = it's just a suggestion in the last two lines you can change the wording a bit
like ( Some I'm friends with, ----> some are my friends )
(Some I wish I could forget.-----> some I wish to forget )
it's just a suggestion, they seem unnecessarily wordy.

3r stanza = this part is the only place where I feel needs improvement, rest of the poem barely has an issue, this part kind of breaks the continuation with heavy words such as cottage core, and wine ball-gown which, doesn't seem necessary, they feel like out of place

4th stanza = In a few moments, (But )I owe them; --> but is not suitable here, but is used to contradict a phrase which is already mentioned

==> finally I would say, the poem is nice and sweet, there is not much rhyme going on, which is ok, but there are some words sticking out in a bad way, my advice is to read the poem aloud after writing so you can watch out for these things.

keep writing!

lubnafirdaus says...

Hey! Thanks for the review!

The structure of the poem or the 'extra wordy nature' is because I wanted it to be semi-formal.
Coming to the 3rd stanza, I would want you to pay a little bit more attention to it cause there is a reason it's written that way. The entire poem addresses an imaginary banquet of people in third person. 4th stanza concludes the poem, and I used 'but' because of the third stanza.

It's intentionally a free verse with no rhyme or rhythm.

Have a nice day/night!

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34 Reviews

Points: 30
Reviews: 34

Sun Feb 26, 2023 6:36 am
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Ari11 wrote a review...

Hello! Ari here.
I love the overall feeling of this piece. It has a sort of soft, accepting tone that is simultaneously soothing and heartbreaking. It conveys the mixed, slightly split nature of interacting with other people. Some can be amazing and help pull you through tough situations. Others will try to stamp you out. But in the end, there will always be challenges, always new people to break you down.
What matters is that you keep going, I suppose.

Because murder is illegal and that's the only way they could stop you from living on so...

Anyway, great work! Your poem has a sort of sad, calm feeling that I really like. It's very well written and you should be proud! I need to take a look at your other works!
And remember--no matter how much the building crumbles, the foundations stay the same. (Sorry this is a little sappy and cliche, I couldn't help myself lol)
Have a great day and happy writing! :)

lubnafirdaus says...

Thanks for the review!

I love the sappy comment <3

Have a great day/night!

That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead