While writing this,
I address a gathering of many.
From white lies to disgraceful sins,
All that feast over perception.
-
I've known some for years,
Some for mere days.
Some I'm friends with,
Some I wish I could forget.
-
The ones in cottage-core dresses
Saved me when they had to.
The ones in wine ball gowns
Were the cause of ruin.
-
Many more will join them
In a few moments.
But I owe them;
They taught me when nobody could.
~Lubna F
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140,139 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
This is a nicely written piece that flows fairly well overall. I think it's got a sort of subtle beauty in the vagueness of the writing. I usually prefer poems with me description but this one has a sort of quiet beauty in its lack of detail almost like allowing the reader to picture it in the way they can relate to most.
hey , I am here for the review .
so lets start from the beginning, the topic of the poem, dedicating the poem to your mistakes is a nice topic ,
1st stanza = while writing this...
-the opening sets the base for how the poem is set up,
2nd stanza = it's just a suggestion in the last two lines you can change the wording a bit
like ( Some I'm friends with, ----> some are my friends )
(Some I wish I could forget.-----> some I wish to forget )
it's just a suggestion, they seem unnecessarily wordy.
3r stanza = this part is the only place where I feel needs improvement, rest of the poem barely has an issue, this part kind of breaks the continuation with heavy words such as cottage core, and wine ball-gown which, doesn't seem necessary, they feel like out of place
4th stanza = In a few moments, (But )I owe them; --> but is not suitable here, but is used to contradict a phrase which is already mentioned
==> finally I would say, the poem is nice and sweet, there is not much rhyme going on, which is ok, but there are some words sticking out in a bad way, my advice is to read the poem aloud after writing so you can watch out for these things.
keep writing!
Hey! Thanks for the review!
The structure of the poem or the 'extra wordy nature' is because I wanted it to be semi-formal.
Coming to the 3rd stanza, I would want you to pay a little bit more attention to it cause there is a reason it's written that way. The entire poem addresses an imaginary banquet of people in third person. 4th stanza concludes the poem, and I used 'but' because of the third stanza.
It's intentionally a free verse with no rhyme or rhythm.
Have a nice day/night!
Thanks for the review!
I love the sappy comment <3
Have a great day/night!