While writing this,
I address a gathering of many.
From white lies to disgraceful sins,
All that feast over perception.
-
I've known some for years,
Some for mere days.
Some I'm friends with,
Some I wish I could forget.
-
The ones in cottage-core dresses
Saved me when they had to.
The ones in wine ball gowns
Were the cause of ruin.
-
Many more will join them
In a few moments.
But I owe them;
They taught me when nobody could.
~Lubna F
This is a nicely written piece that flows fairly well overall. I think it's got a sort of subtle beauty in the vagueness of the writing. I usually prefer poems with me description but this one has a sort of quiet beauty in its lack of detail almost like allowing the reader to picture it in the way they can relate to most.
hey , I am here for the review .
so lets start from the beginning, the topic of the poem, dedicating the poem to your mistakes is a nice topic ,
1st stanza = while writing this...
-the opening sets the base for how the poem is set up,
2nd stanza = it's just a suggestion in the last two lines you can change the wording a bit
like ( Some I'm friends with, ----> some are my friends )
(Some I wish I could forget.-----> some I wish to forget )
it's just a suggestion, they seem unnecessarily wordy.
3r stanza = this part is the only place where I feel needs improvement, rest of the poem barely has an issue, this part kind of breaks the continuation with heavy words such as cottage core, and wine ball-gown which, doesn't seem necessary, they feel like out of place
4th stanza = In a few moments, (But )I owe them; --> but is not suitable here, but is used to contradict a phrase which is already mentioned
==> finally I would say, the poem is nice and sweet, there is not much rhyme going on, which is ok, but there are some words sticking out in a bad way, my advice is to read the poem aloud after writing so you can watch out for these things.
keep writing!
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