The dark has become my haven
For reasons, I'm not aware.
Thoughts weave into each other,
I belong everywhere and nowhere.
-
The sky starts bleeding,
A heavy heart is celebrating.
My eyes stare at nothingness
While uncertainty fills my lungs.
-
Soft breaths have my hair dancing,
Their tears are the conclusion.
The breeze of realization
Seizes me in a storm of reality.
~Lubna F
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,177 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
I loved this poem and how you used imagery to your advantage. The work has a very nice flow all throughout and utilizes amazing vocabulary.
The first stanza was an incredible introduction to the piece. Furthermore, the line “I belong everywhere and nowhere” feels very real, which gives it a nice ‘human touch,’ if that makes any sense.
Later in the poem, in the line “While uncertainty fills my lungs,” I am slightly confused on what’s you are trying to say. How exactly is uncertainty filling your lungs rather than your brain?
The last stanza had beautiful imagery throughout and an amazing and thought-provoking ending. But, one thing I am wondering is if you meant to have a rhyme scheme; the first stanza has a rhyme scheme (at least in how I pronounce those words), but none of the other stanzas do. Did you give up on the rhyme scheme half-way through or did it never have one in the first place?
Overall, this was a beautiful poem. Have a nice day and keep writing!
Thank you!
'While uncertainty fills my lungs' also refers to the imaginary storm that looms around the narrator. Like air fills the lungs but the case here is the storm 'uncertainty' fills them.
The rhyme scheme- abcb ; aabc ; abbc (stanza wise)
A few of them are half rhymes so they might not completely rhyme but they still do.
I appreciate the detailed review!
The truth behind this is that the world and the people in it can do a number on you but you still stand tall, the wounds grow wider, the scars reopen, the past you left behind comes back to haunt you, you won't be able to escape no matter how many layers you break through, you will never succeed in finding peace, when you start finding peace, it gets taken from you before it can emerge.
Indeed...it's a never-ending pursuit in the story we call 'life'...
'A Storm' is beautiful.For a subject so profound,it is strangely not excessively loquacious.The uncertainty, the elusive coalescion of the spirit is beautifully potrayed.You are a master in your craft.The frenzy of her thoughts,the thrumming urgency.My particular favourite is 'The breeze of realization seizes me in a storm of reality'.For someone like her,I guess the waking hours would indeed be an anathema.
Thank you!
hi lubna! i'll be reviewing for you today!
ooh i like this introduction! it paints a picture pretty nicely, and that sets the scene for the rest of the poem. it's angsty, but it's not the most outright with it; that's the best bet since it allows for more variation. i love the idea of the line "I belong everywhere and nowhere" too for that exact reason, because i can see a lot of different meanings behind that. poetry is meant to tell a story, but it is also meant to be flexible.
i saw your response for another reviewer about how the mood of the reader influences what the poem could signify, which is really interesting! from the first stanza, i can definitely imagine multiple different scenarios; a storm, self-esteem issues, etc.
i love the imagery here! this is my favourite part of the poem actually. the metaphor of the sky bleeding is a very beautiful one, and i can see where the person it was inspired by came into play. the verb bleeding can reference actual blood/the rainfall in this situation, or it can be used to describe sorrow/mourning some kind of loss.
although, i am a little confused about the second line here; why would a heavy heart be celebrating? a heavy heart is typically used to describe someone who is experiencing something extremely sad, and i don't connect celebration to something so negative. even if nothing tragic happened in the poem, i don't connect the two at all. i'm unsure if the meaning of heavy heart got mixed up, or if i missed something.
the whole last stanza gives off a lot of funeral vibes, which would make sense with the storm theme i see. i am not sure though; a lot of the imagery points to some sort of loss, but none of it feels extremely personal. i would also be able to see this as a post-break up poem, but like i said, it doesn't have that personal feel to it. it's left to the interpretation of other people, which gives it many meanings and yet none at all.
i did enjoy reading this though! i am a fan of weather imagery, but also angst~
best,
spatula
Thank you!
I appreciate the review being so detailed.
The line "A heavy heart is celebrating" means faking happiness and yes, sadness is celebrated (a funeral is a celebration in many cultures)
The poem is actually inspired by an artwork which is why it sounds vague. The art was blurred and I decided to recreate that with words if that makes sense...
This is a lovely poem of yours. I enjoyed it very well while it was raining very hard at my place. I felt the emotions while the wind as blowing hard on this stormy day. Every line, every word is creative and I think unique. Thank you for sharing this well-written poem of yours.Have a good day/night.
Thank you!
I enjoyed this piece. I like how in the first stanza you show a sense of uncertainty yet the message is really clear. "Soft breaths have my hair dancing, Their tears are the conclusion." has to be my favorite line. One question I do have is whether the narrator talking about somebody because the last stanza gives me that impression. Overall a great piece!
Thank you!
In the last stanza, the lines could either mean the sky or a person depending on the reader's mood
Personally, I wrote it with a person in my head but also personifying the sky cause the tears could simply mean rain...