The second that the clock struck noon
everyone stopped and stared
because every one of them knew
the dragon had entered his lair.
With a head of fire, a heart of ice
he crept closer to the line.
Then, out of his hideous eye
he spotted something that made him cry.
It look and sounded just like an angel
the dragon, angry and confused, turned and left
and as he did the conversation began again.
The next day the dragon was different.
What had this angel done with this hell-sent demon?
The dragon had changed all around.
His figure stood six feet above the ground
his head was barely still ablaze
but the fire inside had been tamed.
The scales of self defense are gone
all that's left is a human heart.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Very interesting poem here.
I was drawn to this because I absolutely love dragons. I saw that you described the dragon pretty well in the poem.
The first stanza was good, but not amazing. I mean, half the audience would stay, and maybe one-fourth would reluctantly read on, and they other fourth would just leave.
That means that your intro could be better. It needs to grab the audience, or your poem won't be read. That's just a big issue I saw here, because the middle of the poem is great.
That last issue I will address is the last line.
It was kind of blunt and an unsatisfying finish to such a nice poem. You should not overdo it and make a long line that makes the rest of the poem look obsolete. Yet, you should not make that line alone obsolete. Try to spiff it up a bit
That's it from me, happy writing!