Published October 30, 2012
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Canary word: Present
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Amazing poetry here! I take it that it's from the perspective of Romeo as he holds Juliet in his arms. I love how lyrical it is, the rhyme giving it a lovely steady rhythm, appealing to my tongue as I read this.
I love this line, symbolic and literal at the same time.
Repetition of the '-iss' sound is used well here, emphasizing the kiss as it being all important, symbolic of the love between them while the rest of the poem is more about death, and the life after that.
The end line is conclusive, clear and confident, tying the poem well together.
I can honestly say I am extremely impressed. It reads like a song (and I'm sure it would make a good one), your use of symbolism is excellent.
One main issue: the lack of punctuation. When we are reading it, everything runs together. If you would insert a few commas and full stops here and there, it would be perfect.
Thank you
Thank you for the postitive review. Not many people have noticed the perspective behind it. I have added punctuation to appease you and the others who have commented on the lack thereof.
Very nice! I really liked the unobtrusive rhyming.
Instead of "Risen from this shaky ground" try just saying "Risen from shaky ground".
Consider adding punctiation. That way, you can control the flow of the poem. Right now, the line breaks only serve to pull the reader forward, and there is nothing to slow the reader down. This can make reading it become a little bit tiring.