We were in the cool of the kitchen, I on the counter-top and you stood by the sink, pelvis kissing the cupboards. My shins were raw from the stone and cold was swimming into a graze on the right knee. The sky was a virgin sheet of cloud, so white I couldn’t imagine it ever having had colour. I stole a look toward you but the bleached light had half your face painted in shadow, the better half. Your left eye had three creases spilling hesitantly from the outer corner, the right had only two. The window open before you looked out over the acid-washed grass as it swelled and dropped into the abyss. The barren yard stretched twice its width before falling into the valley, uprooting the centre of the wire fence on decent. A forest rose up from the beneath on a parallel to you washing dishes. I heard the bones in my knees grind and cry against the counter-top as I leant to slip my hand into the soap water. I pulled out a red-raw o, shaped with my index and thumb. I blew against the rainbow membrane strained across the o as I watched the flame lick down the forest. An eyelash fell onto your cheek. You looked at me the way you look at paper, or a snag of wool on a thistle.
Oh you, this is gorgeous! I love these moment of being poems, because you bring us so entirely into the existence of these two characters -- and that's what reading is about, for a lot of people, the chance, whether they realize it or not, to live another life. You've brought me there, into that house, into that space. I can almost hear the clock ticking in the other-room, carpeted living room.
That said, somethings were unnecessary unclear. For example, when the first line says the first speaker's on the counter top, I picture the easiest way for her/him to be there: sitting, but then her shins are raw and her knee is hurt? Suddenly she has to switch to kneeling on a stone-topped counter, and it throws me off where I really want to just sink into the poem as the first line promises me.
The next stumbling point is where she tries to describe what's wrong with one side of his face, but did you really want to bring out the idea that she/he cares about eye wrinkles? So natural a part of human being? I guess I'd think about this more if I were you -- most human faces are asymmetrical, so it can just be as simple as one side looks better, not for any markings.
Lastly,
this portion is so awkward. I know you feel you need something before "before falling into the valley", but it shouldn't be this. This is difficult to picture without hesitation and pause, and I am wanting to swell with the grass. On that note, it drops into the abyss already, so do we need another description of falling into the valley?
Okay, that wasn't lastly. I don't know what I'm thinking.
Why are her fingers red-raw? That's not a comfortable place to be doing dishes from, so it could be because she was helping. This is not an intriguing question, but an annoying one, though there's a thin line between them. This detail needs to be answered or cut -- we're so far in with these characters. Lastly, I'd avoid mentioning the o twice. Just say, "I blew against the rainbow membrane as I watched the flame lick down the forest".
Which is super beautiful, I might add, just slipping that in there. It might catch a few not-so-confident readers up better if you added a smell or a reference to ash in the closing lines, but otherwise this is so gorgeous and so FULL of TENSION. Fantastic.
Let me know if you have any questions by sending a PM or leaving a message on my wall. You're great! Good luck.
Thank you!
The position of sitting was always on their knees (on the counter-top) - as that person is a child, something I hope to make clearer when I write more. Which I definitely intend on doing. Again with the eye description, I hope to make it seem like a child curious/in wonder of age. I am hideous at making things clear enough, in everything I do, I naively hope people can read my mind. Her fingers were raw because the dish water was so hot 
Again, thanks.
This is very elaborate and creative and, well, pretty. If nothing else, it just creates a beautiful image of something that would otherwise be simple. My only problem with it is the fact that your sentence structure becomes a little redundant at times; you either have a lot of "I/you/we's" or "a/the's." That being said, this is very well-written, and I really enjoyed this.
Keep writing, and best wishes! xx
Thank you