Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The fog was rolling in. I watched it from my dorm room located on the third floor. It poured into the streets, not stopping at the stop sign at the four way. I shivered as I watched it divide and conquer all four streets. The church bell started ringing, signaling that it was three in the morning. The sound made me jump, but the fog just kept rolling through the campus. It made its way up the sidewalk to silently knock on doors, wanting to be let in.
As the bell stopped ringing, the fog started to rise. It was looking for a way in. It crept and snooped up the sides of buildings. There was no way in. Every window on campus had been screwed shut. It reached my window. I am mesmerized by it. I saw things swirling around and glimpses of faces. The fog kissed my window then moved upward.
“What are you doing?” my roommate grumbled, waking up.
I rolled my eyes. She doesn’t believe me. She doesn’t believe that there is something in the fog.
“Are you looking at the stupid fog again?” she hopped out of bed. “It’s spring time, there is gonna be a lot of fog.”
I didn’t look at her because there is no use in explaining it to her again. She doesn’t believe.
She growled and walked over to me. Then she grabbed the window to raise it. To my horror, the screws were old and they just came right out of the sill. I yelped and slammed the window shut, but it was too late. I watched a silver sliver make its way into the room. My roommate inhaled, breathing it in.
“See? Nothing happened. Damn, you be crazy!” she climbed back into bed.
I sat on my bed, watching her. She covered her face up like she did every night for a year. I didn’t move for a while. Then she started coughing. It was a horrible cough. It sounded like she was gargling with glass. Her whole body jerked as she coughed. At one point, she kicked the wall.
I grabbed a pillow and went to the living room. I moved the trash can in front of the door just in case she came out in the middle of the night. It was pitch black in the living room so there was no way she could see it. I curled up on the couch and tried to fall asleep, but I just kept hearing her cough. My whole body was sweating and trembling in fear. My heart didn’t slow down until the sun finally peaked in through the window.
Quickly, I got in the shower, dressed, and went to the library. I was not a morning person, but being tired was better than being with her – she was now infected with the fog. I went to classes and then I went back to the library. My senses were set on high alert all day. My eyes darted between bookcases and through bookcases, in case she had come looking for me.
Finally, around midnight, I walked very briskly back to my hall. Shadows danced across the sidewalk, trees rustled, dead leaves blew across the road, and a handful of people were out, rushing back to their rooms. Everything was on edge when the fog was near. I passed under a street lamp and it flickered out. I began running.
I sat on my bed until 3. At 3 a.m. on the dot, I saw its tentacles creep onto campus. The bell started ringing as usual. Everything was going like it did every night, until I saw a figure walking in the fog. I gripped the windowsill and pressed my face to the glass so I could get a better look. My roommate. My breath fogged up the window. I couldn’t move – I was paralyzed with fear! I watched her walk in the middle of the road with the fog right behind her, as if it was her army and she was to command it.
She was right under me and I realized too late what she was doing. She was letting the fog in. I jumped out of bed. There was only two rooms that had a lock on the door that she could not get into: my suitemates’ room and the bathroom. I yelled to my suitemates to lock their doors and cover every hole and do not let the fog in. I heard them jump out of bed and open their door. I screamed at them to shut the door. I grabbed a towel off the counter and headed to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut, locked it, and wedged the towel underneath it.
My breath finally slowed down and I waited. I stood there watching the door knob. Little bead of sweat ran down my back and brow. The front door opened and slammed shut. She was in here that means the fog was in here. There was talking – she was talking to our suitemates. That means my suitemates are infected. I squeezed my eyes shut. There was only me. Only me.
Suddenly, there was beating on the door. I jumped and started crying.
“Anna, are you okay?” it was my roommate.
I screamed for it to get away from me!
“Anna, what’s wrong?”
I screamed again and sank to the floor. The beating just kept happening. I started to think that she was going to break down the door. I covered my ears and screamed as loud as I could. The sun would rise in about four to five hours and everything would be okay.
Everything would be okay.
Everything would be okay.
The door opened. I scrambled around until I was behind the toilet. I covered my face and waited.
“It’s okay, Anna, we are here to help you,” it was a man’s voice.
I looked up and saw my RA. The fog had gotten him too! I shook my head and scooted further behind the toilet.
“It is daylight. The fog is gone,” he said in a soothing voice.
I blinked at him. The RC was behind him, watching intently.
“We survived,” he smiled.
Carefully and slowly, I climbed to my feet. Peaking over his shoulder, I saw that daylight was filling the room. I smiled. I had survived the fog!
He took my shoulder, “We have to get off campus now.”
I had survived.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I really liked it, but it needs some work. I'll start with the negative, then move to the positive. I would revise the title to "I Survived the Fog" rather than "I Had Survived the Fog." Please trust me on that. Be careful about changing tenses. There were several instances where you abruptly moved to present tense. Easy enough to fix. Your dialogue needs a bit of sharpening. And personally, I was a bit disappointed by the ending. I was convinced that either the RA was tricking the MC into giving in to the fog, or the RA was simply planning to take her to the campus looney bin. Either of those endings would have been better for me.
Now, with all that being said, wow. I must admit, I started this with low expectations, but I was actually very impressed. For such a short story, you easily enwrapped me into your characters' world. By the start of the second night, I was just as convinced as the MC was that the fog was menacing! I could tell you that the story needs expansion, and that would be true, but the fact is nearly all good short stories seem to need expanding, just because we don't want to stop reading.
I hope I was helpful. Good luck with your progression of the story!
I really like it
Wow! Great writing!
Your personification of the fog really sparked my interest within the first few lines. For some reason, I REALLY liked the part with the stop signs. I think it was a great way to show the fogs dominance over people. People are required to stop at a stop sign, by describing the fog continuing on I believe it shows the fogs supernatural aspect and its refusal to be governed.
The RA and RC part confused me at first because i was unfamiliar with the terms but I understand it now.
In a way, I am suspicious towards her sanity. I question if she really IS crazy and the RA/RC people are simply taking her to a place for her to get some help.
Anyways, it was a great story that leaves the reader thinking and questioning the characters. Nice Job!
Quite interesting, nice masterpiece you have here. The fog seemed a great way to start a fear and a monster. Just plain great way! It brings out the story, it seems people should read this more, quite interesting to my liking. I can't wait for more of your work. And if you didn't know, I'm not big on horror. You amazed me with the way you wrote it. Good job!
Thank you! I am so glad you enjoyed it!
this is amazing! To take things that seem completely innocent, and then changing them into the strangest monsters ever seen is all it takes to give people chills. I was one of those people to get chills. So don't worry...I'm not infected by the fog. This is great and I hope you can manage to get even more people to read it because it's definitely worth the time to read. Thanks for publishing, and I love it!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! In my opinion fog freaks me out especially when I am driving! /.\
Eeeee!
I'm not usually a big fan or horror or the cheap scare tactics that horror writers sometimes use, but this was amazing. You don't really state what the fog does or where it comes from, and it's left to your readers rampant imaginations to guess. In my opinion, that is awesome. It's a quieter and subtler way of writing horror, and it sent shivers down my spine.
Thanks for reading and I am glad you enjoyed it!
Wow! This is... amazing! I love the fog-infection idea. It's really interesting. You could write a book about it, and probably get it published! I couldn't find anything to critique, but I was a bit confused at the end when you called people "RA" and "RC". What does that stand for? Anyway... great story!
~Cat
Thank you so much! RA stands for Residental... Advisor? D: I am actually not really sure what it stands for! But they are the person that watches over a particular floor. RC stands for Residental Coordinator, which is the person who runs the entire hall. Sorry, about that! I'll fix it
Oh! OK. I love your name, by the way.
Hey!! *follows and likes immediately!!!*
I am glad, I did, too!!
So, my first thoughts were, "Wow! Such description!!"
I don't usually read or review short stories. But, I read yours!!
So, I really, truly, looove this and I don't even know why!! I guess its the mystery and the random subject that most people wouldn't think about. But, you seem like a writer who digs into the deepest crevice of their mind to pull out ideas and topics for writings!!
I only have one nit-pick. In the line “See? Nothing happened. Damn, you be crazy!” she climbed back into bed." I only think that if the grammatical error was because thats how the person talked or unintentional by the writer...anyway.......
I seriously love this and am amazed at how great you are at this and how creative you are to choose a topic that you followed through so amazingly! Great job!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Thanks! The roommate is actually based off my real life roommate and that is how she talks!
Oh. Ok. Cool.