Published October 24, 2009
I miss you Sarah
By Brittany
Hey Sarah. I can't believe it's been an entire year since you died. It’s been a whole year and i am still in denial. I stand on this rock just waiting...waiting for you to run down shore with your flowery surf board in your right arm. To think of it, you had the matching swimsuit. You loved that board Sarah, and I'm sure it loved you back. Remember when I borrowed it and almost drowned? You jumped in and save my pathetic self. That was funny. It was really I'm still laughing. Come to think of it I never told you how thankful I am. Guess I can tell you now thanks now, ha.
***[2]
It's funny how you really start to reminisce on the small memories when you miss someone. Remember that time Shirley Davis made fun of me cause I wore a Sesame Street shirt in fourth grade? You set him straight once you saw me crying. I never will forget how he balled up and cried. Remember that time we took your dad's car to go shopping? We couldn't get the car out of reverse so we kept going in circles sending people dashing all over the street. I took full responsibility because your dad was going to have you kicked off that volleyball team. We had each other’s backs then. I wish I had you and Tracy's back that night...I knew she was above the influence, but I allowed her to drive my car, now both of you are dead. Forgive me Sarah as tears fall, it's just extremely hard to say goodbye to a friend of 13 years. I just can't...I refuse. [3]
***[4]
I come to this rock every day now. Your favorite place, a vacation of struggles of life. We shared secrets here, sang songs, danced, and hung out. We used to surf the waves together and just have fun. They call me crazy but I swear I can hear your voice through the ocean. Your still alive in my heart and memories, this ocean just brings you more alive.[5]
***[6]
Your brother misses you deeply. He comes in our closet and hugs your clothes. He sleeps with your favorite bear...what was its name? Mr.Snuggums. Your parents sleep with your pillow, they haven't washed it since you last lay on it. They are taking it hard. I know you would want to let them know you’re in a better place and your still there...in their hearts. Sarah as I leave this rock today, I don't say goodbye...I say see you again. I know we will meet again. Until then, rest in peace my friend. We Miss You and we love you Sarah. [7]
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141,397 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Love the way this one starts here. There's simply no beating around the bush but rather it cuts to the chase pretty much immediately there and you can quite clearly see all of the emotion behind it. There's a lot of power in how raw and simple this sort of opening feels and it feels powerfully realistic to how grief like this can work. It certainly grabs your attention quite nicely and has you already feeling for the protagonist right away.
I like how this delves into the memories here. There's just this right balance of a person remembering the good times with their friend and how they cling to it to feel closer without this diving too deep into being just too much information dumped on us and I love that. It really makes things even more powerful as we continue here.
This is a lovely moment to end on I think. Its a powerful and painful showcase of how this person's family is dealing with all of this grief still being so strong after an year and its a strangely bittersweet moment too to see how this person appears to be managing to try and get past that grief.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey hey! Welcome *pops confetti*
. I think it would go better "from the volleyball team" ^_^I have tears in my eyes T_T! It was beautiful and sad. I hope you didn't have to go through such pain. Hugs.
My only observation is this
Hey! Welcome to YWS.
to make me cry. Your writing blew me away. It wasn't just a good read, it made me decide to really step up my game. Definitely a learning experience.
.
Also congratulations on being the first writer on YWS
There's no need repeating the grammar corrections but I have to point this out to you. This statement,"she was above the influence" is wrong. When one is drunk, the person is under the influence.
Also if I might suggest, a more dramatic title will have been more appropriate. I think it was quite mediocre compared to your work. To be really honest, I opened this because I miss my bf so I thought I'll get a story similar to mine
Again brilliant work. Job well done! Be sure to write something more fantastic soon.
Happy writing.
Hi! Irish here! Welcome to YWS!
So, first of all: Awwww that was really sweet! Was it based off an experience?
I thought this was a really great piece, I could feel the narrator's attachment to Sarah and how much she really loved her. A couple things though:
Capitalize the "i"
I think you meant "saved"?
I would reverse that to "It really was" and add a comma so its "It really was, I'm still laughing." Just a thought
I think you mean "You're"?
Haha, again I think you mean "You're"
Those are all the nit-picks I saw, that and, what are those numbers for? Was it a computer glitch thing or do they mean something?
But anyway, like I said before, I really liked this! It was very sweet and touching and a great first post!
Keep up the awesome work and I hope to see you around the site!
-Irish
P.S Feel free to personal message me with any questions! I'm always happy to help