6.00 am… alarm is screaming like a earthquake. Whoever want to wake up in this early morning. As a teenager, I also did the same thing, snoozed my alarm clock and slept for 5 mins. But fate, actually teenage fate, when I woke up it’s 6.55 am!! And my school’s class is at 7.30!! Well, it’s a daily routine that I’ll never found my socks in perfect time. Whatever!!I’m trying to understand why my school has to start in this sucking morning? Anyway!
“May I come in ma’am?” (it’s a rules to ask your teacher that, can I enter the hell for 5 hours?)
“yes, come.” Said Mrs.Haque. but I really don’t understand why the other students of class (except my friends) stares at me when I entering in room like “look, she has been come after murdering someone”. But my friends, who are actually my worst enemies, starts smiling. But in a minute, those “smiles” converts into “laughs” and horrible ones. Our benches shakes like earthquake and sounds of our hidden laugh is like “dhihihih dhehehe”. Now, it’s maths class. I think our maths teacher, especially algebra teacher don’t knows any languages except hibru (which I don’t understands). I can bet, nobody understands maths in his class. But main problem is, others do maths in their private tutor or teachers. But I’m not a nerd (!) who ruins her sweet teenage by doing stupid maths. So I decided to leave it. And I got it’s result by getting not A+ in maths which actually sucks because when your friends gets atleast A in maths and you get a B or C+ it matters. But who cares this silly things. Teenage life is all about dreaming. By getting a C+ or B I can dream to get an A+ in next exam!! Which is good dreaming. But sometimes it stays only dreams, never become reality.
And when school finish bell rings most of students of my class runs like there’s a time bomb which would burst within a minute and if we don’t go out of class by running when bell rings, we would die! And it’s the most irritating thing in school atleast for me. Why you all have that must anxiety to go home? Who knows!! Me and my friends.
I actually has two most common friends. Irina and anna. we are known as the "triangle" in class. Irina is so much caring and sometimes so much irritating. (I find ou that maybe her parents knew that someday their daughter would become so much irritating so they were trying to say the world tha “na” and they tied them together so it becam iri+na=irina). We say her “iri” by matching her iriitating attitude. But me and anna have a higher trust that irina doesn’t get this trick and anna is gorgeous and tom boy like girl so we often say her anne actually it pronounce with just an N. Actually she has lots of ego problem but not more than irina. they calls me lia most of the time as my name goes also with an "na" "lia+na"=liana. so it happens. And I’m the middle stucking girl who always stucks in middle. Even in family. I’m my parents middle child which sucks most of the time because it’s a rule that when mom gonna pissed up with my younger brother, she will definitely end up by yelling at me for that fault which I have done long time ago. But she has to yell at me no matter what also when it should happened by my elder sister. But it never happens with them. It has to happen with me. As same as when one of my friends stay with me and other has to go for another work, the stayed ones started bitching. In this case bitching means find out the negetive things of another friends and just think why we r still now friends. It happens all the time. But it happens most of the time with irina. As my life style and anna’s life style is quite same. but not irina’s life style goes with us. so it happens with irina. But also with anne. Irina figures out some bad sides of anne and I have to listen it and say “yeah” “oh I see”. But I have a good trust on my friends that I know they also do this with me. Because it’s friendship you know. But end of the day we are friends
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
As your title says, believe that dreams never die. Keep on writing. You would be tuned up fine. But for now, your writing needs more improvement. On reading it, one was crystal clear that you are confused with yourself. The sentences were very long without punctuations, making it hard to understand. All I could feel was the frustration of the main character towards school.
There were many grammatical errors. Break up the last paragraph into smaller ones. Needs more vivid descriptions and make the plot more interesting. Good Luck!
This is the first chapter of your story and I’d say it needs improvement. In order to string along your readers until the end, the starting chapter becomes very important part of a book/novel. I feel like it’s a filler as it doesn’t advance the plot and, thus, it comes across as boring. Start with a bang! Jump straight into action. Put your characters in a situation where readers are at edge to know more about them.
To put it bluntly, the first paragraph is cliché. We have read about the alarm clocks and all too many times before; it doesn’t set your story apart from million others on the Internet. In fact, it can put off potential readers. Start with something that’ll catch the readers’ interest. It could be a question, a dialogue, or a dramatic statement – anything.
For example:
He was dead.
This simple sentence raises few questions. Who was dead? How did he die? Was it a murder, a discovery?
Don’t make it predictable, make it unique!
I noticed some grammatical and punctuation errors, and suggest you to read over your work to spot them.
In the third paragraph, the character’s rambling on about Maths. If it’s relevant to the plot, keep it in; otherwise, I’d advise you to take it out.
Let’s discuss the problems with the last paragraph:
1. It’s too long and, thus, not appealing to the eyes. Consider breaking it down.
2. Ask yourself: does talking about her friends’ name help the plot gear forward? No? Then, you should take it out.
3. You revealed some of the character’s background/back story, which is good. However, you basically dumped it in. You should ease your readers into the characters’ life and help us connect. There’s no way we can relate to it, or even find it interesting, if you tell us everything about the character in one paragraph.
Over all, the chapter needs revision. It should give us some hints about the overall story, and should engage your readers. Good luck, and keep writing!
P.S: I apologise if I sound rude or harsh. I never meant to discourage you. On the contrary, I’m trying to help you get better. Please note that these are my opinions, you don’t have to follow them. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Thanks for understanding!