The sun sets behind the tall mountains
and makes room for the moon.
The sky becomes pitch black
and all the sounds of day are now gone.
Everything is quiet except for the heartbeat of people
and the shadows that creep into the mind.
As the streetlamps dim, curtains close, and all light goes nonexistent,
fear sneaks around very cunningly.
It tiptoes without making a sound on the floorboards,
waiting for an unlucky victim.
'A little one should do,' said fear
as it crept around the houses at night.
At one little home in particular lays a small child in bed
sleeping soundly as its chest raises up and down.
Fear smells it, the scent so strong
so near.
Fear rubs its hands together menacingly
for it shall have its feast tonight.
Its hands grip the window frame
and slowly pulls it up.
Up, and up, and up.
It slides its thin little body inside the room
inside to the unconscious child.
The shadows engulf the entire place,
and the little one's eyes began to twitch.
Fear grinned manically and reach towards the child.
The child wakes up and screams in pure horror.
The screams awaken the family who come rushing through.
But fear is quick.
It hides in dark places, only to arrive at the most unexpected times.
'Under the bed it went!' cries the child.
Checked under, the parents did and they naught found anything.
'Perhaps, it is the way of children to see imaginary things' they reason.
Incorrect and foolish they were.
Fear is not merely a monster under a bed.
It is the feeling that even the bravest man may crumble to.
It eats us out of our skin
and becomes a part of it.
Our flesh is not are own.
We do not own the body.
Fear owns us entirely.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Heya ^^
Allow me to take a look at this poem of yours. It’s been in the Green Room for so long ☹
I like the personification of fear!
It feels like this might be what a child imagines that fear to be like. As having hands to rub against and a way to smell---idk maybe fear itself? A thin body, ways to open windows… ahhh creepy!
That is a cool image: “The shadows engulf the entire place“
I really like how you describe fear here, as something that only children understand and adults dismiss!
I really loved how you wrote fear in this. Most of the time people describe fear like it’s just a quick emotion that happens and then goes away, but the way you wrote it made it feel like it was actually a part of the person. Like it wasn’t just something they felt for a second, it was something living with them and shaping how they saw everything. That made it feel way more real.
I also loved how you showed that even really brave people can feel fear this deeply. Being brave doesn’t mean you never feel scared, and I think people forget that a lot. The way you described it made fear feel way bigger and more intense than how people normally talk about it. Usually people make fear sound small or dramatic in stories, but here it felt overwhelming and honestly way more terrifying because of how real it was.
And the part with the parents really stuck with me. When they basically said the kid must’ve made it up because it didn’t really happen, that actually hurt to read. Even if something didn’t happen the way adults think it did, the kid’s feelings were still real. Just because someone else can’t see or understand the fear doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I think you showed really well how adults can accidentally invalidate kids’ emotions without realizing how much that can affect them.
Overall I just really liked how you made fear feel so much deeper and more complicated than people usually explain it. It didn’t feel like some simple emotion in a story, it felt like something huge and consuming, and I think that made it way more powerful.
Thank youuuu><
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mortifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a poem about the monster under the bed-or rather, the spirit of fear itself-creeping in closets and lurking under bed frames, waiting to pounce. Especially on children.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you describe the fear as not being a “monster” under the bed, but as some creature that can hide in anyone but is more seen for what it is by children. It makes one think that maybe monsters are real, but that we train ourselves to ignore it so as to protect our sanity.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a rather frightening poem. Thusly, I enjoyed reading it! I love reading scary poems in every time of the year and this was no different. With that being said…
I wish you a sparkling day/night! ^v^
I wish you a glittery day/night creeper!
yayyy thx so much!
Just stopping by with a quick comment on your poetry~
Oh! Chilling poem! I enjoyed how when it started the poem felt a bit "distanced" from the reader with the personification of the landscape, but gradually it came close revealing the fears that come personally to the subject. I think that's a great technique in the horror genre is to make sure you give room for the fear to intensify throughout the piece. The last five lines in particular are striking and worry-making!
Great job creating a thoroughly spooky mood. Thanks for sharing!
alliyah
thank youuu,><
You're welcome! Keep writing!