Song

Hi there,

welcome to YWS! I hope you have great fun here and get loads of good tips. Also as choco said reviewing is a good thing. It helps you meet people around here, notice things in there writing you may not notice in your own and improve that way and benefits the community, so yay, review! Here's an article that might give you some ideas on what's important when reviewing.

Now onto my critique.

You have quite a good rhythm and the rhyming is very effective, so your song can easily be sung. That's great because now you can concentrate on the meaning some more.

As you may have noticed the market is flooded with songs about best friends and how they won't become more, because they're either scared of wrecking their friendship or scare to admit they want more or the scared of rejection by the other.

I can't really make out the actual problem the narrator has in your song, so maybe you could work on that a bit. It's fairly short, so expanding it wouldn't hurt at all.

Also try to avoid images that don't really fit into the context and make the listener wonder what it has to do with the rest of the song.

I took away the key...

It didn't take me long to find the right beat/tempo/tune (whatever you want to call it) when I started reading. That's good! I normally have trouble with songs and reading them.

I agree with chocoholic... a few times it did get off the beat I started with. I don't know what you started with, but I felt myself trying out different tempos.

There's the normal mistakes, like
Now and then I saw a were that'd be we're

Overall, good job! I wasn't thinking about reviewing a song and it was nice to read one that impressed me! Good luck with everything else and see ya around!

First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you have a great time here and find everybody very helpful.

Second, here on YWS we have a 2:1 policy. That is to say, you make two reviews for every one piece you post. Seeing as you're new, I'll let you off the hook this once, but I really do encourage you to go and make some reviews. Not only will you get more reviews, but you'll make loads of friends. Now, onto your song...




This is very short, but there's definetely some good bits in there. Some of the time you seemed to have a tune to go with it, but others didn't. That's the first thing I'll tell you as a songwriter, always make sure you write with a tune in mind, because it can be very hard to put it to music.

Guess It's better off this way

It's just such a shame