The White Canvas

Simple, raw, yet cute and effective.

The imagery is beautiful and the metaphorical aspect of it is very easy to grasp. It was an easily-digested poem, which I love.

Simplicity can be genius, like stated beneath me; the format fits the theme.

Keep writing!

What's interesting about this poem was the sort of empty feeling it left me with. Like there could be more added to it. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but the form supported the meaning. I felt like I should add a dash of purple or green in this poem, just like the speaker wants to be filled with color and meaning.

Wow, that was great! very romantic, in a almost not romantic sort of way. Ya, I like it.

Hey! This isn't a review, just a comment...

Great job! I liked it a ton, it's well written.
But.
I know since you set it apart, you probably are proud of your last sentence, but I think it would give sooooo much impact if you removed it and ended the poem with, "And I become something."

/thoughts.

I really like this poem and the idea is great! I love the idea of paint etc. but you could have split it up and used some punctuation. Colour is spelt right-well that's how I spell it (UK) so yeah! You could add commas maybe in:

'To bring me to life,
To give me meaning,
To grant me purpose'

I am not an expert so I don't know how accurate my suggestions are but yeah I am sorry for the length of my review (short) but it's a really good poem, and with a little bit more crafting it could be even better so yeah there we go!

Well done!

tiggpanda145

Hello Infinity here to review!
First of all i really liked the concept and the meaning you were trying to create with this poem, i liked the creativity and thought behind it, however there are some suggestions i'd like to make to further improve your poem.

There were a few things interrupting your flow and your poem seemed like it ended too quickly, as if it were unfinished. You could also split up your poem into stanzas.

"My mind is empty
I’m just a charismatic white canvas
Waiting for colour"

Here colour should be spelt, color. In this part maybe you could describe or use some imagery to show/tell us how and why you mind is empty and what does the blank white canvas make you feel? Waiting for color on a colorless canvas, expand on the emptiness you feel. Try to create and emotional connection between your poem and the reader.

"The touch of your paint brush
Dipped in thought and paint
To bring me to life
To give me meaning
To grant me purpose"

Here, you could again, go into depth of how you feel having the touch of the paintbrush onto the white canvas.
"Dipped in thought and paint", sounds a bit awkward to me, perhaps describe the thoughts that go into painting something meaningful.
For the third part you could go into saying how does the dip of paint give you life? meaning? purpose? how does that inspire you?

"As your hands become a mix of coloured splotches
I mirror your strokes
And I become something"

*colored. The word splotches is kind of odd to describe a meaningful painting.

"Something that’s’s beautiful in your eyes"
I like this final line. its good.

Overall a potentially great poem with a good idea, just read it over, you might get inspired.
Hope i was of help to you.

-Infinity x

Ohh....

I see this, this must have a looot of meaning.

Perhaps more description?

And colour can be color, and it's usually spelt that way, but it differs so.

Maybe commas? And a period, at the end of things, so it gives us the feeling of finallity, and perhaps mention how you (The canvas) go to turn out, perhaps the painter hangs it up, or stores it away, for their eyes only.

Though I did like this..

Thanks,

pegasusgirl2

Hi

I think it was definitely a good idea for a poem, but I also think you could have gone a lot farther with it. The imagery could use a touch up, and I think the flow was a little choppy. Ohterwise it was really good!

Hey Louis! Well I have mixed emotions about this poem, honestly. Conceptually I think you've chosen something that's been done, but not so often that you can't make it your own. Stylistically, however, I think that this could be refined. You have the main ideas in place, but you really need to add a little flourish. It's lacking the emotional depth that it shows the potential of having, and I think that a large part of why this is is because you tried to keep it brief, and in the brevity, crammed everything in.

Give each metaphor or concept time to stand on its own and breathe - make the contrasts between the blank whiteness and the newfound "life" of the paint stark enough to really evoke emotion.

I wasn't blown away by the beginning of your poem, but it got progressively better. I could feel the concept growing as you continued to write, and while that's good, I also feel as though you didn't know quite what you were saying when you began this poem. Go back to the beginning and be sure to start with a statement that really has the same impact as the end.

Despite these pieces of advice, I really do believe that this was a good poem. The concept was great and is just in need of a little embellishment. Keep writing, and best wishes! xxx

this poem is nicely written but at last it left a very bad impression of 'incompleteness'. end this poem with more creativity and imagination. a good poetry means 'you are feeling everything from top to bottom. but i didn't felt anything while reading. put some more magic powder into it so that the reader falls into the pit of your imagination. he read it like he has written the poetry. generate the interest in ur poems.

there is one bug in ur last line:

"Something [that’s’s] beautiful in your eyes"
it is that's, not that's's'.

Hi

I really like this! I just want to share my interpretation of it:

When you're young you have a lot of expectations of what life is going to be like, and you're waiting for something to "create" you. Give you a personality. We all want to be unique, but in the end we migth just be, what society wants us to be.

Was this what you were thinking?

The poem is beautiful, and the flow is good too.

Hi there, I'm going to be your reiview this morning. (Obviouslly)

What I liked:

1. The point of view. I think because you wrote this from the "canvas's" point of view, as apposed to the painter or even a bystandard's point of view, you got more emotion in the poem. The reader gets a feeling for what it feels like.

2. The format. Though there isn't a specific format I like what I see. You have created something very beautiful.

What I don't like:

1. The imagery. Or lack there of. I don't feel the brush, I don't see the colors. This could use more imagery to help the reader see what you see and feel how you feel.

Overall:
There isn't a lot to be fixed about this poem. It is really well written, very simplistic (in a good way) and holds a lot of feelings. I loved the end as well. Great job and keep writing.

I really like this. I even came up with a song for it! Lol. Sorry I am just really random that way. I was in a musical mood when I read this. It usually happens when I read poems.

Wow, this is really neat. i like this a lot. i like how you have decided to build this person over the course of the poem, you have given her a voice. i really do like this, i love the words you have used to add more empathy into it. you can feel her emptiness.. i just think this poem is just really cool! keep it up, and keep posting i want to read some more of your work!

-EmoChikXoX xxx