Published September 11, 2010
It's falling apart.
Our friendship.
You assume, you accuse.
I assume, I accuse.
You snap and break.
I'm already broken.
We can't let our limbs break
Like branches.
It's going through a storm,
A tornado.
Debris is flying,
It's the debris of our friendship.
It's hitting your face,
It's hitting mine.
It's falling apart,
our friendship.
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Thanks for the reviews everybody. Grammar is one of my weakest points.
But thanks for taking the time to do this!
Agreed, you have some pretty good imagery going. I felt like you portrayed your ideas perfectly. I just wish there was a little bit more of a rhythm... Oh well, I liked it either way. Keep writing ^-^
Hello loudnonsense!
overall as said above, this could use a little work, but it is on the right track, and you gots potential! Keep Writing!
OK, just a general impression tonight. I really liked it for the most part. I think it could have been a little longer, but short is good, I like that to. The concept and idea behind it are great, and I think if you took it a little further it could definitely be fantastic! A reply to the comment above, they said that punctuation is a big-no in poetry, and that is incorrect. Though I do agree and feel you overused your punctuation in this piece. Still, you must use punctuation in poetry, just as you must use it in every other piece of literature. You just have to be smart and correct in using it.
Hello! I'm be reviewing your work today. (:
One of the things I love about poems is that they have meaning. Yours did have meaning but I felt you expressed it in the wrong way. You put commas behind every line, and thats a BIG no-no for a poem like this and any poem at all for that matter. I'll pick a piece out of this one and correct it for you. (:
I do love the limbs breaking comparison to the branches. It's good imagery, (: but for the opening line I didn't feel the pull. You could try to work on that a bit.
Overall, this could use some work, but I like it. Keep writing!