Adventure time is a show about a 14 year old boy named finn and his magical dog jake, who can resize into shapes and many cool things. Finn is in love wiht the fire princess even thought most people think he likes princess bubble gum. Finn and jake set of on adventures defeating villians such as ice king and the gollum king ( whos spanks people) Although ti is ment for ten year olds alot of teen humour is thrown in there to. I suggest you watch this or the gollum king will spank you.... not really i'm joking.
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Firstly, Oh My Glob, I love Adventure Time<33
Its the best sow ever that had been made. I watched it mostly every afternoon that it is on. I love how some of the episodes just randomly have singing in them.
But this is a review and you do have some germicidal mistakes, I realise this isn't an actual story, but I'll review it anyhoo.
"Adventure time is a show about a 14 year old boy named finn and his magical dog jake,"
Okay, because, "Finn and Jake" Are both names, they need capital letters. And also, "Time" because it is the name of the show and should be capitalised.
I like how you have told the viewer what Jake can do, that is very good.
Again, "fire princess and princess bubble gum" They need capital letters. Capital are very important to every day grammar. Also with "gollum king".
There was a few mistakes that you probably didn't pick up like; "ti" instead of "it" and "i'm" instead of "I'm"
I do this too, so you're not the only one. Ahaha. Just make sure when you're editing you look closely, it helps everytime.
This writing was very informative, and funny to read. I enjoyed how you portrayed the message.
Great job, continue writing, you're great, and don't let anyone tell you anything else. Lets just work on some grammar issues.
~Winter
Okay, Black here for a Review day Review.
Okay, so nice work . . . I am, I must note, totally unfamiliar with 'Adventure time'. . . . (It's funny, my brother makes me write things like this . . . they used to turn out like this a lot).
Now, really it would be good if you could portray what's happening a bit more linearly . . . It means, X character is going form point Z to point Y, you have to show him at Z, everywhere in-between, and then finally at Y. If you do it random 'he did this' and 'oh, yeah, he also did that' it get's a bit messy.
Grammar:
I think you need a bit 't' in 'time'.
You need to capitalize the 'f' on 'finn'. . . (Oh, it would be really good to elaborate on what all their magical powers are,
Now really, your spelling is quite nice (Though the 'wiht' should be 'with' – small typo) but you seem to have a problem with capitalization . . . The p on 'princess', b on 'bubble', g on 'gum', f on 'fire' . . . they all need to be capitalized. Don't worry, don't get discouraged, usually you get into a habit of doing this automatically once you're a bit more experienced with keyboards.
'ment' should be 'meant' I believe, and 'alot' should be 'a lot', I also think you mean 'humor' not 'humour'. . . . Also, that 'ti' should probably be 'it'.
Big 'n' on 'not', big 'i' on 'i'm' and a comma after 'really'.
I think it would probably be safe to guess that you're not too old, yes?
Well, don't get discouraged, this piece does need work, but remember, most people (Grown ups even) hate writing, they just can't stand it, and doing it is a bore. If you're one of those people to whom writing is a good thing, then this is your place!
Good luck, and keep writing (It's the only way you'll ever get better!)
~Black~