Published February 17, 2007
My footsteps echoed through the dormant house, silence ringing through my ears. The breeze sweeps through the house from a window high above my head. As i tread carefully down the narrow hall i trace my fingertips over the patterns that were formed years before by that of someone with true love of this house but now it lay in ruins barely even existing to capture ones eye as they run past playing a game of hide and seek.
meh I have no idea.....help!!
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Echoed= past tense
Sweeps= Present tense. I would say keep to one tense.
I would say you should out this into poem formation, and put it on on of those forums. It works better as a poem.
don't let sentences ramble... lol
I'm not sure where its going, so that's why I need help and I need an editor lol I'm totally useless at proof reading so any suggestions are much appreciated
You put the word 'house' twice in two sentences and to me it doesn't sound right.
As I tread
I trace
I also noticed that this piece of writing has only three sentences. I think you should break this down into more or put commas in. It would be a bit boring for the reader if there were hardly any sentences.
But stick to this and good luck!
Luke
Depends on what you want to write in the first place. What genre?