Bananas
Every morning, every evening I am ready for a fruit that has smooth and soft skin. Sometimes it has a smell; it also can be really squishy when it’s decaying. When you squeeze it stuff come out of it. For example (Don’t think I love violence!) If you smash a head the brain comes out of your ears. But the most interesting part of this living fruit is that it has so many colors. Sometimes it’s brown, it could even be yellow, black and of course green! Every time it changes colors it has a different taste. Sometimes it could be super sweet (green); there are times when they have a yucky taste (brown). When my mother or father buys bananas from "Prisma", they walk into the kitchen holding a huge bag of bananas with the aroma of peace just for me. I give it no time to rest I just gobble the whole bag up. Pretty much that is main description about one of my favorite fruit “Banana”.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Actually our homework was just simply describe something.
Bananas
Every morning, every evening* I am ready for a fruit that has smooth and soft skin.
*I agree with June and believe you should mix this up a bit. It's so, boring and plain. Sugar coated it a little. At least say "each day". Also, A lot of fruit have smooth and soft skin. You could really be talking about anything from a watermelon, to an apple, to a pumpkin.
Sometimes it has a smell; it also can be really squishy when it’s decaying. When you squeeze it stuff come out of it. For example (Don’t think I love violence!) If you smash a head the brain comes out of your ears. But the most interesting part of this living fruit is that it has so many colors. Sometimes it’s brown, it could even be yellow, black and of course green! Every time it changes colors it has a different taste. Sometimes it could be super sweet (green); there are times when they have a yucky taste (brown). When my mother or father buys bananas from "Prisma", they walk into the kitchen holding a huge bag of bananas with the aroma of peace just for me. I give it no time to rest I just gobble the whole bag up. Pretty much that is main description about one of my favorite fruit “Banana”.
From this description, I really think you could be talking about any fruit. You can't turn this in for a grade unless you'd like a bad grade. It's being too general. Use some imagery and play it up! Rather than saying how it smells, show us. Paint an image in our minds that will last (even though it's about bananas).
Hi there Gluz! June here!
Okay! This was interesting! I'm not entirely sure what the focal point of this was-- I understand it's about bananas, but I'm wondering what the purpose is. To inform? To amuse?
Here we go:
• Why word like this? Why not tell us differently, perhaps saying, "In the mornings and evenings, I look forward to eating a fruit with soft and smooth skin?" Why do you only want a soft skinned fruit? And does it have to be a banana?
• Wait, you haven't told us by now what the fruit you want to eat is! For instance, peaches have smooth skin and are squishy when they're decaying. And of course, if you squeeze it stuff will come out. How do you know that if you smash a head the brain sill come through your ears? Why won't it crack the skull, and a sharp piece of broken skull break the skin and have all of the brains ooze through the crack? *is not violent. Really.*
• I would consider rewording this passage! It's seemingly too deadwoodish, meaning that you're speaking too much, but you're not bringing us to any conclusions, nor are you giving us anything interesting to remember!
• Hold up! The fruit lives?! Oh my... you're seemingly eating a live creature without making sure it's not going to live inside of you? xD
• Also! Green bananas are often greenish tasting. They don't really have any flavor... and if they do, they remind me of grass. The darker the fruit, usually the sweeter the banana is. Sometimes, the black ones are sweet (and no, I don't eat them, they go in other stuff), so when they're brown they're not necessarily always yucky, right?
•Italicize "Prisma" and kill the quotation marks around it
• Aroma of peace? Elaborate on this! Why do your bananas have a peaceful aroma?
• Ouch. You gobble the whole bag? What if the packaging gets stuck in your esophagus and then you can't breathe?!
• Don't ever, ever, ever, ever close a paragraph with pretty much. Pretty much is informal/slang/ not writer-ly. You can do that if you're writing fiction, or from a point of view, but when you're writing in the informative sense, it just doesn't work.
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• Give us more!
- We want to know what makes you like bananas so much, what makes you so picky about them, and why they make things seem peaceful.
- Give us a better ending! That whole closing line can just be tossed out the window. Tell us something else! You can make this more amusing.
- You... um, kind of make it sound like you eat the banana peels?
*
You can go far with this, Gluz! Elaborate, revise, cut, amuse us. Make the audience enjoy this.
The length was good, though. It's better to keep some things short
Best--
June