Published April 21, 2008
The dust swirled around her, getting into her eyes. It should have hurt. Yet she was past caring.
The park was filled with laughter and screams. She watched as children ran around the grassy field, laughing and tugging at each other's hair. Couples were strewn in every hidden nook and corner, smooching and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. Dogs were jumping everywhere, trying to catch airborne freesbies. Everywhere she looked, there was life.
Then she opened her eyes.
The park was empty. Everything was either black or brown. Ashen. Dead. Everyone but her. She shook her head.
There was nothing else to be done.
She walked to the parking lot. Before, her hands would've been inside her pockets. Now, they were swinging loosely by her side. No one was there to see.
She scanned the few remaining cars. One still had a key in the ignition. She climbed in and turned the key. The engine made a soft purr, loud enough to make her jump. She put the car in reverse.
She was cruising down the highway when she heard the siren. Police. What was so wrong with driving young? A few seconds later the sirens grew louder. She stepped on the gas. She was racing. She swerved through the lanes, overtaking the vehicles blocking her way. She was laughing. Living.
Then she blinked. Her beautiful game of cops-and-robbers was gone. Nothing left but empty cars strewn across the road. She'd never dreamed that she would someday wish for a police car to chase after her. Then again, she'd never dreamed about any of this.
A few minutes later and she arrived at her destination. She jumped off the car, landing on rocks. As she waked on, the jagged rocks slowly turned to smooth sand. She spotted a sandcastle a few paces away. Someone had also left a shovel.
She was crying. Her brother was dragging her to sea. She was screaming. "I don't wanna swim! I don't wanna swim! Let me go! Sharks! Mommyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!"
But mommy wasn't coming. Nobody was coming.
She entered the souvenir shop. She punched through the display case. The shattering sound of glass was deafening. She grabbed the cannonball and went out.
Water lapped at her feet. Slowly, ever so slowly, it rose. To her knees. Her chest. Her neck. Her lips. Her nose. She couldn't breathe. She smiled.
She sat on the sea floor. She would have seen corals. There should have been little fish darting in and out of them. But there was only this endless stretch of sand. And the sky.
They were calling to her. Pulling her deeper. The bubbles soon disappeared. It was the end. She smiled.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well that title is certainly appropriate although in this year it will probably bring up some very different memories than what it did all the way back in 2008. Its a nice short little piece that tells a pretty neat little story. It certainly seems very realistic to how someone would act if they were in such a situation.
Anyway let's get right to it,
That's a pretty neat starting point that you've got there. It definitely does a wonderful job getting the reader's attention with a bit of a setting also being established.
This is a lovely description that you construct here and that's a wonderfully constructed bit of imagery that contrasts sharply with the earlier mentioned dust and then coupled with the next lines really gave an amazing shock value to the whole piece by just completely taking you by surprise as to what's going on in the scene.
And this is a really well done description again that does a wonderful job of providing a very noticeable contrast to the whole ting.
Well now with this I am getting a sense of maybe some kind of post apocalyptic world or something along those lines.
This reinforced bit of imagery of the reality and what she hopes for is for doing an amazing job of establishing this world really well. You're doing a really nice job conveying the hopefulness that she probably has and then the terror of the reality that she is living in.
The foreshadowing to what she's about to do is really striking here as well. As soon as the cannonball is mentioned you just know exactly what she is gong to be doing with it.
This is a truly horrifying end. You really do get a sense that this is just the last person on Earth and that she has had enough and is now accepting her fate and going in search of where "life" exists. Its a really saddening little story and you bring it to life really well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a really nice little story and I think you've done a wonderful job with the flashbacks and the emotions that this person is experiencing. And its a pretty neat little ending too. Good Job!!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for the comments!
) - Sadly, I'm too lazy to extend this idea. We'll just have to settle for a very short story.
Conrad- The girl's the last person on earth. The other scenes are flashbacks.
God (ooh. nice name
interesting story, im curious about where it goes from here... if anywhere?
This was a very well written story. The imagery was very beautiful and I liked it a lot. However, I never understood if this was a girl in a post-apocalyptic situation imagining the world before, or a girl in a normal world imagining a post-apocalyptic situation. Perhaps you could expound on that. But even so, it is a very good story.
kudos