Ummm Hi!! I randomly wrote this at 1 aam since I couldnt sleep and wanted to know howw awful it is and what I can do to improve my writing :) I know Im not very good at writing but I enjoy it so I want to improve:)
Tears steadily dripped down her cheeks like an never ending waterfall.Sitting in a room alone withh tottal silence except for an occasional sniffle of creak of the floor.Loud thundering food steps suddenlyy got louder and louder.Quickly she jumped up from the bed she was laying on and headed into the bathroom.She knew she wasnt safe.The door never locked.Breathing heavily still with tears dripping down her face.Silence surrounded her and with her ears against the door she heard someone walk into the room.Secretly she hoped it was her mother who had came into the room.She knew she could some where a little bit count on her.The door begain to be pushed open!Panicking she turns and looks at who was comeing in.It was her older sister who began to laugh at her for crying.Angerly she screamed at her to go away and when she didnt she quickly got up and took off downstairs. In the living room her mum was watching the evening news.she stormed into the room and sobbed uncontrolably into the couch!Concerened her mum said whats wrong??With no reply she kept repeteing the question.Still with no reply her mom began to yell at her. Slowly and ashamedly she pulled up her head and wiped away some of the tears.She staired blankley at her mum and they both new it was time once again.They had moved 9 times in the past 4 months due to constant bullying and harrassment at school.But school was only half of the problem.In the course of this year she slowly began to not talk or interact with other people.Her dad got angry and yelled at her and she always staired at him in fear. would he hit her?Does he want to hit her?Does he love herr?Does he want her here??These are questions that constantly floated around in her head.Not only about her dad but her mum and the rest of her family too.
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Hello! You said to help, so I'll help. Spelling/grammar mistakes will be in bold. Since there are no separations in your story, I will make some to make it easier on myself to comment.
I can see you have a lot to improve on. Your description here... it's messy. You have flaws. I believe you could work on them. I got lost while ready just these sentences. You need punctuation, like commas. You could phrase this whole thing differently. Also, remember to use the SPACE key. You need to space after periods, commas, & semi-colons.
Seriously, some sentences don't even make sense. I am going to be blunt with you. Your sentences feel like they start and end in the middle of a thought. You can't do that. Make it a complete thought! Another thing, the way you phrased a sentence made absolutely no sense, my head hurt reading, "Silence surrounded her and with her ears against the door she heard someone walk into the room...She knew she could some where a little bit count on her. The door begain to be pushed open!" both ears cannot be pressed against the door at the same time. The door began to be pushed open? Really?
Okay. The story... it has potential. You could make it better, way better. But honestly, you're writing is getting you nowhere right now. You have humongous grammar and spelling mistakes. Also, the way of phrasing sentences that you have is not working. You have to stick to one tense. Not only that, but you describe wrong. It makes no sense. The punctuation also bugs me. You don't need an explanation mark everywhere.
What I recommend for you is to read. READ READ READ. Practice, write, read. Read while thinking about what you are reading. See how this writing is written. And practice. Practice does make perfect. Copy authors writings! Write down your thought using the ways some author writes. You will get better if you keep on trying! Not everyone is amazing right away. I know I wasn't. I was a horrible writer, but now I am okay. You will get better!
If you need anything, simply PM me.
~ Nike
Okay, so clearly, you have a lot of punctuation flaws. The sentences are all mashed together, there are a lot of missing commas, and there needs to be a space after every punctuation mark. This is why writing and publishing at early in the morning is a bad thing, because you're too sleep-deprived to correctly edit. Make sure you go through and edit these mistakes.
There's a few grammatical mistakes here, which I will point out. This is all literally one block of the text, with these sentences following one after another. You have a lot of mistakes in this entire piece.
Add in bolded word.
I think you mean "somewhat" right?
That bolded word is spelt began.
That's spelt coming.
Okay, so those are just a few of the nitpicks. There's a lot more, so I suggest you go through and edit them yourself.
On the overall plot, this was flat. Nothing stood out to me, nothing caught my attention. I was bored while reading this. The constant mistakes made it hard to read and an eyesore, the plot jumped around and made little sense, and the overall message, or lack of, was never delivered. I just couldn't get into this.
Ways to improve your writing would be to slow down and take each step at a time. That means not blowing by each action. BAM! She's scared. BAM! She's hiding in the bathroom. BAM! Her sister walks in. There's nothing that really stands out to me here. Add in some dialogue, some internal thinking, some imagery. Describe why she is afraid; have her imagination blow up to beyond proportion. Show us the scene, don't narrate it for us.
Another thing you should work on is breaking this up into paragraphs. A big block of text is hard to read because of all the words, it's distracting, and it's ugly. Breaking it up makes it grammatically correct, helps keep a steady pace, and makes this easier to critique.
One last thing to work on is explanation. You just throw in random things. First she's scared because someone is going to walk in. Why? Is she wanting to be alone and not have someone, like her mum, walk in, or is she scared of the dark and it's making her imagination exaggerate things and now she thinks a murderer is gonna walk in? Then you say her sister is the one walking in. Why? Now she is with her mum and they are planning to move again because she is being bullied. That came out of nowhere. What brought that on? And now she's afraid her stepdad doesn't even love her. Why?
Overall, this has potential, but needs a lot of work before it can be worthy of said potential. Do let me know if you revise and edit this. I would like to see how much you changed and how well the changes went. Also, maybe writing at one a.m. isn't a good idea.
Ok thanks and Ill try to improve those things.When I get it revised and edited ill let you know
Hello,
This is a good piece of writing.
To improve you could break up your writing in to paragraphs so it is neater and easier to read. Also, you don't have many gaps in your writing after punctuation like full stops and question marks. I don't think you used any commas so it might be good to add some to break up some of your sentences a little. There are a few spelling mistakes that you could go back and correct as well.
Keep writing!
Thanks
Ill go back and fix the errors and break it up into paragraphs 
Hi llamallamajam,
Apart from the spelling mistakes (of course because you were in a rush or writing for fun) and t the informing style of writing, which i'm less comfortable with, only because that reminds me of a very chatty friend i think it was great. Especially to just pop out in the middle of the night.
But its all good. Keep it up. Writing makes writing better and better. And your still only 15. Writing much better than me. So thumbs up.
Thank you