The Unavailing

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Can you imagine?

Imagine yourself inhaling and exhaling thick, warm air as your strutting over on stage--hovering over your fans. Heart is fucking pounding like crazy. A little harder and faster than normal. Grabbing the mic-stand and gripping it tightly in both hands. You flash a crooked smile. A roar from the crowd is so loud, so much--that it's almost overwhelming.

Or.

Hmm, that's an interesting note to start one. This almost doesn't really sound like the start of a story, but more like the start of some sort of advertisement for something to do with a stage or something. Its a very interesting vibe that you're trying to create here..and while it isn't the most exciting of starts, it does make for an interesting start, so let's see where this goes.

Can your imagine yourself as a guitarist? Feeling that same warm, thick air; hearing that same roar from the crowd as you adjust the guitar strap firmly over yourself. Heart racing so fast, you just might die up here. Placing your fingers into the right frets and on the right strings--hoping that the show goes just okay, just right... without any -ups.

Maybe.

Hmm, so this appears to be some sort of music themed story here. I still can't quite tell where this is trying to take the reader here, but there's a infectious enthusiasm in the voice of the narrator here and even as a reader you can almost feel the excitement that this person appears to be describing ever so passionately here.

Your Bass or Keys. Heading up to your area and getting this shit started. Plugging your Amp cable into the Bass guitar or turning on your keyboard. Remembering to focus on the music and the notes and not the that goes on behind the stage or not to pay attention to the faces in the crowd. No mess-ups, no problems. The drummer takes his seat, doing nice little finger tricks with his drumsticks. Sitting down behind his drum set--that reads: The Unavailing in white bold letters on the bass drum.

The drummer claps his drumsticks together for a three count. The music starts. The Guitar players, Bass and Keys start doing what they do--the lead singer waits until it's his cue to join in.

Yeah. This is the adventure on stage. But no ever knows the adventure off stage of young rock musicians. These were just six guys from Vintage Park, now they're Somebodies.

Well it still doesn't quite seem to tell us exactly where we're headed, even at the very end of the story, but now we do have a bit of a better idea about what vein this appears to be going in cause we've got indications of a sort of life story of perhaps a young band of some sort making their way through the industry, its a little tough cause this is fairly vague about what this is meant to be here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

I love this. It gets you right into the mood straight away and pulls you right into the story. I also love the perspective, it rakes real skill to pull something like that off. I will defiantly be keeping watch of this story.
I'm not particularly great with reviewing stories but here I go.

warm air as your strutting over on stage

Does not make sense.

so much--that it's almost overwhelming.

The line things are unnecessary and not what you would usually put into a sentence. The almost also does not sound good,as in 'almost there', 'almost winning', it doesn't fit with the feel of the story. Maybe try ' A deafening roar from the crowd knocks you of your feet, so loud, so much, it's over whelming' or something like that.

I like how you seem to give each band member a personality. Great work so far!

Oh and Welcome YWS, I'm new as well but the people here are very friendly.

Oh, and probably needs and 16+ rating. To much profanity, personally I put a swear in every sentence but some people don't like that kind of stuff.