Roses, raindrops, candlelight dinners,
snowflakes, sunshine, and being a winner.
Old fashioned writing, peace signs, and doves,
these are just some of the things that I love.
dewdrops on flowerbuds, running through leaves,
fireplaces in winter, a cool summer breeze.
Frost on the ground, fog in the sky,
The feeling I get when looking down from on high.
Whispers that tickle, laughter that lasts,
talking to someone you met in your past.
Sharing a secret, trying something new,
handing in an assignment before it is due.
I like eyes that are windows into someone's mind,
doing something nice for someone unkind.
I love the love that is unconditionally given,
but most of all, I love my Father in heaven.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Your poem is great, and I love how you used rhyming and made it simple.
But I agree with the other author that a few lines seem a little forced.
Originally, I was going to point out a line I thought was a little off, but after reading it through a few more times it made sense.
I do have a suggestion:
"dewdrops on flower buds, running through leaves,"
could be changed to:
"dewdrops on flowers, running through leaves."
Its great the way it is, though. Well done!
Welcome to YWS! I'll review this poem for you
First off, let me say I love the simplicity of this poem. We really need a break for these elaborate and dissected poems that seem to be in another language -_-
Also, many say that rhyming is annoying, cliche and overrated, but I say you handled it well in some parts, and not so well in others. Some rhyming sounds stressed while the rest sounds natural and relevant to the poem's theme. I saw some grammatical errors as well, and, at first, the style of the poem was a little hard to follow.
So, that is what I have to say. This is a nice, touching, and playful poem. Keep up the good work!