Published December 21, 2007
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141,420 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
uh... (this won't count as a review, will it?) what exactally happened here? the author deleted the post? the account?something?
To be perfectly honest, I've heard this a million times in almost in the exact same words.
My advice to you would be to scrap this and start again. This time, write down your concept of popularity in a sentence or a short paragraph, and from that brainstorm the images and ideas which best express it for you. Then use that as a basis for a poem. Maybe experiment with a few metaphors and similes too
We want to hear from you. The feelings expressed in this are yours, but the images you use are not. Find some way to make this concept yours.
Cheers,
~bubbles
This is cute. I'd make the first letter capital, and add a comma after "popular." I'd chaneg "to" to "by" as I think it sounds better. I'd add a comma after "world". While I'm on it, I think "On top of the world" is a bit cliche. Is there any other way in which you can say this?.
I'd change the third last line to "It's being youself", and take the "just" out of the last line. Try reading this aloud to get a better sense of the rhythm.
For the sake of experimentation, I'd redraft this, taking a different angle. Maybe use more imagery and make it more evocative. Can you show us what you mean rather than telling us?
Good luck with the next draft, and I hope thishelps.