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16+ Language

Off the High Horse

by littleyellowkuma

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

A parade,

starring crowned royalty,

that trot in on white horses, that demand all to see.

But a parade wouldn’t be a parade without

a pooper scooper.

The poor fellow that scuttles behind

scooping up the dirty waste,

yet still smiles;

he craves publicity.

As the horse crowned with grand rubies

lifts its encrusted tail,

he skips over with an effortless grin,

an arabesque, with a spin,

and swiftly lands on the tips of his feet

to scoop up the shit that sizzled on the concrete.

No matter how hard he would try to impress the mounted nobility,

with his bouncy wide strides, leaps, and sissonnes,

all they saw was a man to scoop shit,

and they were correct.

After all, why should they

dirty their crowns?

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Thu Apr 11, 2019 3:33 pm
Sid16 says...

Great one. It's humour is good and the language used is elegant. Although you could try to use a better rhyme scheme. Try to use better words next time.

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118 Reviews

Points: 7386
Reviews: 118

Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:07 pm
FabihaNeera wrote a review...

This is a nicely written poem! It's very humorous... especially at the parts where the poor man has to scoop the poop xD But, I guess it's not too bad since he craves the attention...
Overall, I think you told a very funny story here, with each line flowing smoothly to the next.

The only thing I would look over is the rhyme scheme. I'm sone areas, you kept a consistent rhyme scheme while using free verse in other areas. I think it would all flow together even better if this rhyme scheme we're to be consistent.. . so then it would be easier for the readers to follow along.

Anyway, you did a really great job! I'm so glad to see that someone could write a humorous story in the form of a short poem very well.

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153 Reviews

Points: 2501
Reviews: 153

Sat Apr 06, 2019 9:59 am
4revgreen wrote a review...

Hey, Che here for a quick review!

I really liked the rhyming in this as it helped it flow, and the actually story in the poem made me chuckle :-)
I think my favourite line is "To scoop u that shit sizzled on the concrete" as it's a pretty neat use of alliteration and the imagery behind it just made me laugh
I also liked the structure, and the enjambment. I don't really have much else to say about that to be honest.
I love poems that have a satirical meaning or story behind them, because I don't think enough people realise that poems don't always have to be about heartache!

keep writing :-)

Regards, Che

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98 Reviews

Points: 782
Reviews: 98

Fri Apr 05, 2019 9:19 pm
shieldmaiden wrote a review...

Very nice and very true. Liked the imagery (not that I like picturing poop everywhere :) ) but I felt sad for the poor man who had to do such an atrocious task. He is very important but no one recognizes him for the hard work he does, or the talent that he possesses.

The only thing I found odd, was the way the rhythm went throughout the entire piece. For a couple of verses it would be long and flowing. The next would be short and chopped. But, I don't know much about writing poetry - and I know that many famous pieces are like that.

Great work. :)

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
— Robert Frost