“No not moving again mom”, I ran to my room and shut the door really hard. I don't like moving I am tired of moving. And we move a lot just when I got new friends my mom says we have to move because she did not found the right job for her. I know that I should support my mum in every move because she got divorced and I did not see a smile on her face since that, I wish I could ask him what she did to him. ,when I went to my room after saying that to my mum , I went and sat on my couch beside my window and thanked about everything happened , I started writing in my diary .
OOPS, I didn't introduce myself as always , I'm Amy ,I am 13 years old ,going to 14 ,I am in 8th grade and I move a lot since I was born ,because my mom is looking for the perfect job and the perfect guy ,she got divorce from my dad when I was 8 years old .
It summer time, I should have to be with my friends playing and having sleepovers with them but I am stuck in the house packing, everyone thinks moving is nice but it's not when you have to leave everything and leave your friends. I am thinking about them now how I will tell them about me moving , I have this best friend called Antasia she doesn’t know about that yet I am planning to tell her today before we start packing.
I did not get the guts to tell Antasia she will be mad at me, there were boxes downstairs of my mum things, I did not accept Antasia coming to my house today and she saw the boxes and then she asked my mum of what is going on, and my mum told her before I got downstairs, she started crying she’s kind of sensitive but I told to not worry I will soon visit her while I am there and I will text her everyday mail her and tell her everything.
We will go to Chicago this time because my mom saw in the newspaper that there was someone selling his bakery in a really low price, so my mom called him and put an opponent with him in Chicago of course when we get there.
My mom likes to bake she really bakes good stuff, and I am lucky to have a mom that can bake some delicious stuff. But I don’t want to move after I got used to everything here.
After we get there, my first day will be the next day, I hope I will find really good people and friends and have a best friend and hang out with them. I don't want to move again I got fed up with moving it will be my 5th move till now.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there!
I am glad that you started this piece, but where's the rest of it? What happens next? Does she really move? Does she get to visit Anastasia? Did she feel bad about keeping the secret from her, and was Anastasia mad anyway?
How can she make new friends? Did she have other friends the other five times she moved that she promised to visit? Did she have an old best friend she doesn't see anymore?
Also, here are some corrections:
I know that I should support my mum in every move because she got divorced and I did not see a smile on her face since that,
^ I have not seen a smile on her face since that.
I went and sat on my couch beside my window and thanked about everything happened
^ beside my window and thought about everything that had happened.
I am in 8th grade and I move a lot since I was born
^ I am in 8th grade and I have moved a lot since I was born
Seeing just these three corrections, it looks like you need to learn / brush up on how to use "have" as a helping verb. Here are some tips, but you can Google some more:
1. Using "have" as a helping verb usually means you're using a "perfect" tense, like present perfect, past perfect, or future perfect.
2. Using a perfect tense is similar to using a regular tense, especially in the past. Simple past tense means there was a specific time something happened. Past perfect means maybe that thing is still continuing, as it is in those three examples.
3. In number one, the mom still hasn't smiled. In number two, she is thinking about things that have happened up to that moment. In number three, she moved a lot in the past and is still moving today, so the perfect tense makes sense.
Let me know if you have questions, and keep writing!
I don not know what your age is but this is pure childish writing. If you are 12-13 then its fine, you are headed the right way but if you are not, then better brush up with your English. The narrative was not up to the mark. The plot had potential which could be deeply explored but you just touched all the topics avoiding the details. You also have a lot of grammatical mistakes in this piece. Like in the second para second last line, it should have been divorced and not divorce. The construction of the story could have been better. The third last para needs a review. You just can't make Antasia talk like that, if you know what I mean. I suggest you read some novels before plunging into writing stuff. Been said that, I don't mean to push you towards reading Paulo Coelho or Salman Rushdie. Start with someone light, like Enid Blyton or J.K. Rowling. You would get the grip of things in no time. But I must applaud your plot. That was an original thinking so congratulations! and all the very best for your future. Cheers!