Published October 13, 2014
My life was a room with locked doors,
And I could never find the key.
I always remained in the darkness,
Surrounded by fear and debris.
At times my hand stayed on the trigger,
Yet I still was afraid I’d regret.
My body kept moving me forward,
But my mind calmly whispered “Not yet.”
But now the whole sky’s started falling,
Replacing the black tar with blue
And I slowly remember my calling.
I set my mind to something new.
Now I still sometimes think I’ll be leaving,
And I’ll simply just rot in the mold.
But it takes a few second to realize,
I haver freedom now, my key of gold.
Ok, to be honest I frankly just wanted an excuse to post here. I miss this place like crazy.
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141,258 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I really should be going to bed right now because I am really tired. However, I wanted to read some poetry, but I told myself that I wasn't going to write a review because I don't have the time lol. This poem is so good that just had to. Thanks to your great poem I will be losing ten minutes of sleep lol jk. Now to your poem. This was very good amd extremely well written. The length of the poems is perfect because it's not to short and not to long. I also enjoyed your use of metaphors
Replacing the black tar with blue
I thought that line was rather clever and well thought out
I also liked that the poem was dark all the way through, but ended on a sort of happy note, if you will. I like to think of these as "the light at the end of the tunnel" poems, if that makes sense. At the end it's as if the character found their worth and decided to keep going on. This
is also a good poem for someone who was actually considering suicide. Keep up the good work and continue whipping out these great poems. This poem is fanastic and everything is perfect so I have no critiques. However, if I were to be nit picky you said haver instead of have, but that isn't even relevant lol. Keep up the good work. Have a good day.
Aw, that's great. Okay, I was expecting the narrator to actually commit suicide so I am glad he/she has made a resolution to stay alive or has just found freedom in the golden key. If she/he still decided that death is the only way out in the end then at least he/she found that little bit of freedom. Great poem, come back more often. Love your metaphor in the first line, actually love all your metaphors. Can't really do that myself, at least not on purpose. Props for that.
Hey there! This is super interesting to me, and I am absolutely in love with this poem! I liked how you kept it all in one stanza, since you didn't really stray from the topic you started with. I felt like I could see inside your head because you have really, to me at least, expressed your feelings throughout this poem. I liked the beautiful and entrancing descriptions you used to portray your life. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the figurative language in this poem as well. Marvelous I tell you! Mistakes-wise, I really didn't see many errors, but I would suggest you look over the poem, maybe taking away some of the punctuation. You don't need endings at every line! It's poetry! *laughs* It's fine without any changes though, I'm just recommending it! All in all, brilliant job of showing how constructing your life was. I hope you really do have freedom in the real world as well! I know I sure want it... Anyways, you blew my mind with this poem! Thanks for writing this, and have a great day!
Love,
Perks