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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I liked this a lot.It was very smart especially when you said 'i'm stuck in a room with locked doors,but I can never find the key' It may have been better with more detail and if it was longer.But it still was very good considering as small as it was,you still understand and relate to the poem,which always helps readers connect with the poet and I maybe would have liked to know what happened after the character left?
Alright, I liked this. It was pretty interesting, despite being only five lines. Still, though, I do wish you would have added more lines, or put a lot more detail into the few that were there. Yes, as others have said, I would want more details into the room. And, maybe how the character got in there. It was good, though. Thanks for posting it!
Hello lili024,
EnchantedPanda here to review your poem! I noticed that you've already got some reviews so I'll just give you my general impression of your writing and skip straight into the review.
You mentioned in the description that this was short and so i was expecting something of this length but I was still a little surprised. Short poetry is fine, honestly. It's not about length with any writing, poetry of story writing, it's only in a novel that length can be important, but because this is a poem generally poetry is more about quality than quantity.
I still liked this but I have to say I did think it could benefit from being longer, if only because it gives more time for the reader to really get absorbed in your writing and it can build more of a connection and be more climatic which is a good thing. I'm not suggesting that you add loads of unnecessary add loads of jargon just to make this a bit longer but I do think you and your poem have the potential to be more developed. Try approaching your topic from a different angle. Brainstorm and find new and exciting ways to look at this. Right not it's pretty surface stuff that you're describing but I can see you getting close to tapping into something more than that. Explore that potential. You might be surprised what you can come up with. Really doing this would be doubly beneficial because it makes your poem deeper and it also makes it longer.
Apart from that I really liked this. It's got simple language but at the same time it's really powerful and effective which I think was the kind of tone you were going for when you wrote this.
I particularly enjoyed the conclusion where you used dialogue, because I thought it was really powerful and gave off some pretty raw and terrific imagery. It was a really strong and visual statement and it was a good way to end your poem on a strong note. Good work with that.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this. I've been harsh with my critique but that's only because this is great. You write amazingly well for your age. I know I never wrote a powerfully as this when I was your age. I really admire your writing style and i think you have tons of potential if you can already produce something this amazing. Keep me notified when you write more because I would love to see what you produce in the future. Message me if I you have any questions or comments about this review or if you have any other stuff you'd like a fresh view on. Keep up the superb writing!
From EnchantedPanda
I have to agree with SupperMegs- you are able to catch the reader, but your not able to keep them there. At first I was able to really like this poem, but than I felt like I was missing a part, or something was left off. I feel like there's more to this poem that you forgot to write about. Why is he locked away? How did he get locked away? How did he get out? There are a few holes in the plot but once you fix them, then I sure you'll have a great poem. Keep up the good work, keep writing, and remember editing is the key to a master piece!
~Paris
Hello, I'm Supermeggs(most call me Meggs) and I will be reviewing your piece!
Let's start: This intrigued me from the beginning, and I like the idea. Although, throughout I kept wondering where your narrator was locked away at. You just mention he's locked away and he can't leave because there's no key(darn that rythme). Maybe you could add more detail as to that.
And I noticed you said "that one they I can leave." Did you mean "they" or day? Consider revising.
Overall, nice job and keep writing