Published December 31, 2010
Hey, so I usually don't write letters as stories like these, so I don't know how this is going to go. I just wrote this up in like 20 minutes. After all your comments I changed the letter adding in personal memories. Tell me what you think (: Oh and if you think it's good, please like it (:
Dear You,
As I sit here at my laptop I'm speechless and don't know where to begin. When we first started going
out our lives were filled with smiles and joyful memories. Your warm embrace made me feel like it was
just me and you. When you told me you loved me, I actually believed it, despite the fact that we had
been going out barely 2 months. You were my first true love, and I wanted it to stay like that forever.
But then came the day when the rumors of you and Ashley secretly going out. I couldn't possibly
believe them, but then the smiles became less frequent and our memories not nearly as pleasant.
Your embrace came less and less until they were there no more. I grew from your girlfriend, and a
person you loved, to merely a pal that you hang out with, maybe even less. My heart wasn't ready
to let go, so I held on trying to stall time. I thought you may change but those were only thoughts, as
the loneliness grew increasingly day after day.I thought our relationship would last long but I guess
I was mistaken. Thinking about you and what you told me made me question if you truly knew what
love was, and if what we had was love, or just a stupid high school fling. The coward in me couldn't
possibly face you to tell you this, so I'm about to type it up.I can't say I'm sorry, because then I would
be telling you a lie. I'm sure that you knew this was going to happen, so I'll just come out with it.
There's no us anymore.
From,
Me
P.S. I've heard rumors that Ashley is going to dump you.
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138,927 Literary Works • 672,328 Reviews
Hey lilgrendots.
Yes, this is much better. I actually found it to be more gutsy and bold than the last one. Also, this proves that the narrator can be independent! Just watch out or the typos in there; and I know it's a letter but punctuate. Know when to use that comma. Other than that, this was really good. That dude is such a jerk, he deserves to be dumped! :b
~Happy New Year
Thanks everyone for the reviews, I'll work on adding to it right now (:
Overall: I love it! It's amazing for just an ordinary letter. I made a couple of edits but that's it! Great Job!
Keep Writing!
Nike
Hi, lilgreendots. Well, I can call this the letter of truth. Apparently nothing lasts forever... >.> I really like this topic, it was easy to understand and well written.
My favorite part is this one, because it's really what you feel at a time like that.
Bye,
Leanna <3
I agree with the other two replys. To make the hurt more believable, why don't you add in a fond memory or two? And then at the end come back and talk about one, or both? a bit, and how your MC won't be able to do that again. You really have to try reach out to you audience. Make them feel what you want them to feel.
Good piece, though. Just needs a few nit piking.
Keep writing.
Born. x
Hello there
I really liked this part.I agree with Ashley. I found the letter very plain. Meaning that the person to whom it is intended will not feel that bad after reading it. I have to hand it to you though for writing a letter in the form of a story, it's very hard because your story telling is kind of restricted. If I were to make a suggestion is for you to hit a nerve. Make me believe you are hurt and make the person believe they were wrong as well. Spice it up. Right now it just looks like another letter from a woman scorned.
Keep writing and good luck!
Wow. They say honosty is the best policy. So, I'll be honest, wether it'll be harsh or not. (1) The best thing about this post is that 'real'. It's obvious that you have insight of what you wrote about. Maybe, it's something you've gone through yourself and that makes the reader believe it. (2) Simplicity rules. You did not confuse me with anything you wrote. None of it was vague (is that how you spell it?). This keeps a reader reading. (3) unfortunately, for me, there's nothing outstanding about it. No punchline, no twist. Nothing that would seperate it from letters wrote before. Add something that would make the reader eager to read more of your stuff. Maybe you can add: 'PS. Even the doorknobs father went to heaven.' I know, that doesn't make any sense. But who cares, aslong as it's entertaining. If this doesn't help, it's because I know very little about literature. Keep writting. We live and we learn.