Happy together once again,
dancing down the leafy lane.
Let it lightning, let it thunder,
nothing will quell the spell
we're under...words of love
fall into rhyme, we long for
each other all of the time,
leaving schooldays far behind
in the long hot summertime.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Ahhh... Music to my ears
Your poem captures the warmth and peace of summer
I especially like the first two lines. The imagery here is amazing
I didn't understand one thing though, What's with the '...' in the middle, I think a comma would have worked just as well. But you are the Writer. You know more about the Reasons than I do.
Heya Lil'Feather!
I'm Kamas and I'll be reviewing your work today!
This is a nice poem here! I quite enjoyed it!
There are some thing to work on though which there always is!
1. Flow ~ Rhymed and non-rhymed poems~
This poem has a nice flow, but at some parts it gets choppy.
Be careful! Read it out loud to see if it comes out smooth.
If it doesn't flow add or take away syllables or add a rhyme
For example:
The bold part has it's own flow then you get rid of it in the next part.
It starts to get choppy when you say
"Let it lightning, Let it thunder"
*cough* side note: It can't lightning but that's not important!
If you want to fix the flow in that line try something like:
Let it lightning and let it thunder
That is just a suggestion! You don't have to take anything into account!
2. Format ~ Spacing ~
Be careful with the formatting especially with poems this short.
The formatting is always difficult.
I'd space it out a little more
If it was a longer poem try to format it to be in verses like music
Line
Line
Line
(big space)
Line
Line
Line
Note: It doesn't have to be three lines just however long your verse is
Also! If you're going to put the rest of the sentence in the next line
For example:
Make it evident that the line is finished! So less commas and more periods
*cough* This isn't a big deal, just something I find a little annoying
3. ~ Grammar ~
No big deal here.
The only little thing is "schooldays"
There should be a space between school and days.
Just go over your work before posting it to avoid the little typos
Hope that helps!
You did a good job with this poem!
Don't think I'm being harsh! I'm trying to help
You're doing great this is just constructive criticism!
Keep writing and PM me if you have questions!
Kamas
This is very cutesy, which I am guessing you were going for. It has a feel of a nursery rhyme but the format in which you put it in is unusual. I like it thought.
That is my favorite snippet of the whole poem. Overall this poem though a bit too sweet for my taste still managed to make me smile, so I commend you for that
This was good.
It was confusing to me at points, but still very good.
I like how you put it about love in the summer time.
It has a nice warming touch to it.