Published March 1, 2009
I
The opposite of dog's not cat,
Though many people say it's that.
It's opposite is global hegemony
Which happens to be man's greatest enemy.
II
The opposite of wandering
Is sitting still and pondering,
Or being content with the place you've found,
Or following a sight or sound.
III
The opposite of noisy noise is
The same as the opposite of boyses.
But that's not each time always true,
In certain cases, such as you.
IV
I wonder what's the opposite
Of finding a pair of pants that fit?
Perhaps a load of toil and strife,
Or maybe the story of my life.
V
The opposite of God's existence
Is no object of man's resistance.
VI
The opposite of seventeen
Is the ugliest number I've ever seen.
VII
The opposite of everything
Is no outdoors or creaking swings
Or black and yellow butterflies
Or cloudless skies or pumpkin pies.
No sadly weeping willow trees,
Chrysanthemums for busy bees,
Important looking businessmen,
No daddy rooster, mamma hen.
No paperbacks to read beneath
The bedside lamp, no Christmas wreath,
No silly songs or giggling boys,
Or pretty girls, or brand new toys.
No hugs or kisses, holding hands,
No rock or jazz or classic bands,
No friends to share no secrets with,
No decent words to rhyme with with,
No fuzzy socks or wiggly toes,
No crimson, white, or yellow rose
To place upon no loved one's grave.
No lives to give, no lives to save.
No poetry to read aloud,
No raindrops and no thunderclouds.
No softly falling winter snow,
No place to come, no place to go,
No windows and no glass to break,
No lovely coloured leaves to rake.
No air to breathe, no wind to cry
A love song or a lullaby.
Nothing to strive for, nothing to be,
No eyes with which to look and see
The wonderful world in which we live.
No finds to find, no gifts to give,
No one to love, or be loved by,
No reason to laugh, no reason to cry.
No hope of Heaven, no fear of Hell,
I guess these things are just as well,
Since God made everything instead
Of nothing, which would be a dread.
I'm glad that everything exists,
Instead of all its opposites.
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Canary word: Present
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140,848 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This is a very good piece, lilchoma! I like the way you wrote this; the repetition just flows into the poem. However, a few things that I feel remove from the charm of this poem.
First, I'd suggest getting rid of the numbers. They aren't really adding anything, and distracting. The piece would go just as well without it. If you really feel like keeping them in, then I would try to not put as many in. For instance, this section:
These all look the same, and the message is pretty much the same as well. Maybe you could have this all in one section, if you think you want to keep the numbers in. I liked the last part and it could stand as its own section. Parts five and six seem too short. I'm think you could merge it into one verse, but they could stand on their own as well.
Your use of italics is quite excessive, and the phrase 'global hegemony' lessens the impact. I had to open up a search engine to find out what it meant. I think you need to reword this verse if you want to keep the rhyme scheme. Next, the italics look a bit randomized. It looks like you're leading up to the last parts where everything is italicized. But I don't really see a purpose for that. It would look just as well if you left it untouched,
These two parts... they look unnecessary. It seems as if they serve no purpose other than to fill space. I'd suggest getting rid of them.
Otherwise, this poem is a gem. Try to change a few things, and soon, you'll be writing like a pro. Not that you don't write like one already. But anyway, just needs a little bit of work. I hope to see more of your poems around sometime.