anthem of dilapidated lovely

the structure of the poem almost makes it concrete-like. (it kind of looks like a staircase to me haha)
the poem is jagged but with a certain elegance to it. i think the jaggedness is what makes the poem so unique and beautiful. i think you used the word "dark" a bit much in the part where it said: an abomination to all but the darkest stranger, and then you jump to he finds us in the dark. perhaps you can replace the word darkest with twisted, or cruelest or the most morbid or something like that. other than that i don't think anything breaks the rhythm and flow. great job on the poem look forward to seeing more of your work.

Greetings there! I hope to be able to give a satisfying review (though this may turn out to be more of a comment, rather than a review) as your poem deserves much as such. So let's begin. Firstly off, I think that Sionrama has already gotten to the core of what points to take with this poem.

Format, wording, flow and structure here was done beautifully and while the formatting of spaces and line placement had at first required me to reread several times to really get into it, it really was well-done. The pauses that you wish us to take with the format was just.. fantastic. I couldn't really imagine reading it any other way, and I just felt like it was manipulating my thoughts to the way you wished for us readers to read it.

Now, the meaning behind the poem (I do believe that Sionrama has made this point here already, so forgive if I repeat anything that she may have said) was really vague. While the wording was beautiful (breathtaking, really, in the morbid and very expressive sense) and I can see the tie ins with religious struggle (maybe), I cannot really see the what you're really trying to say here. I mean, there's perhaps the impression that we live by ignorance (our greatest blindness) and how the darkest of things (perhaps maybe the devil here, our demons of the past as well?) that haunt us in where "he finds us in the dark,/and loves the things we are/ because there is no door/and no priest/and no penance." I'm not really sure if I truly understand the meaning. But it was a very awesome poem with deeper underlying messages and dark tones that really take the reader through a sort of fascination, like I did, or perhaps a sort of complete (yet incomplete) understanding at the end where the words really stand out and really finish up the poem here. I may be rambling mindlessly right now, but I really, really liked this poem. Yeah. Uh. Not much to really say.

I hope that be able to see more of your work around, and that I hope that this review helps.

With sincere words,
~IRI

Hi Lilchoma! I'm (obviously) hear to review your (amazing!) poem,

Alright, from what you might have already guessed, I found this poem amazing. Here are some of the reasons why:

1) The format of the poem. It evokes the feel of it and goes with the lines and words. Need I say more?
2) The words you used: simple, elegant, morbid. I am obsessed with elegance and morbidity in writing so I thoroughly enjoyed this.
3) The ending. A lot of these type of poems leave the reader with a dissatisfied feeling at the end for many reasons. Yours has not done this.

Some things I might make some changes in:

1) The initial idea is almost lost in the first stanza/sentence. I have a vague idea about what this poem is about but its not clear (though you may want that to happen).

In the end,
I loved it! Thank you for your great poem:)

I have to say that I am enamored with the formatting of this poem...it's definitely bizarre, but in a good way. ^_^ While I think some of the words were a little flat, this was a good poem. I hope to see more works from you!

Keep writing,
StoryWeaver