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When you bake a cookie

by lil


When you bake a cookie

Help yourself to a glass of milk

Eat it quick, eat it now,

Now, now, now

You can only eat a cookie

Only one cookie

Understand?

At home

Cookie

Only one,

Only two,

Kitchen, in the kitchen

In the kitchen

Eat your cookie


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19 Reviews

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Reviews: 19

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Mon Jun 10, 2024 4:44 pm
emilyrebecca wrote a review...



Hiya! I'm here for a quick review!

First off, I find the style of this poem to be so, so, charming and enjoyable to read. It has a fast and really dynamic tempo which is interesting to read out loud, which I admit I did quite a few times.

The first line reminds me of the kids book, "If you give a mouse a cookie," which likely contributed to the sort of nostalgic, childlike feeling the poem has.

Overall, It's simplistic, but it works very well like that and I love your ability to create such a distinctive and consistent feeling with your writing!

Have a great day!
-emilyrebecca




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21 Reviews

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Reviews: 21

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Mon Jun 10, 2024 3:53 pm
NoOneInParticular wrote a review...



Heyo! Just thought I’d drop by to leave a rather quick review.

First Impressions + What I Liked

I came in expecting some deep message into the struggles and meaning of life or something similar, but it’s just a poem about cookies? I…honestly don’t know what to make of it. It is a change of pace from the usual depressing stuff I see from most poems (including mine), though, which is nice.

The short lines give the impression of a rushed? manner of speech, or as Orabella put it, “strangely aggressive”. It kind of feels like the speaker is just saying whatever’s on their mind in one quick breath. It’s…very chaotic, in a good way?

Areas for Improvement

Only one,

Only two,


This part confused me a little, with the sudden change from one to two cookies? No real explanation was given (at least as far as I know), but it could just be me having a hard time interpreting poems.

Honestly, I have nothing much to improve on, as doing so would take away from the randomness that is this poem!

Overall Thoughts

A chaotic poem about eating cookies. Need I say more?

Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night!

Cheers,
Horizon




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236 Reviews

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Mon Jun 10, 2024 6:03 am
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hello there! This is Orabella, here with a quick review. ^^

First off, welcome to YWS! Hope you like it here!! Please let me know if you have any questions, or if you just want to chat. ^^

I love your idea for this poem! Basically, it's saying to eat a cookie, which, I mean, sure? Why not? I should probably go eat a cookie, you know. And if you say I've already had a cookie today, well, I can just say a poem told me to. XD

I love how... strangely aggressive? this is, too. Lines like these:

Eat it quick, eat it now,

Now, now, now

and
Eat your cookie


It almost feels like someone is trying to force me to eat a cookie, which I can't say I've ever experienced before! I feel like you'd expect a poem about cookies to be about how good they are, but this is so much more unique than that! It's just such an interesting take on cookies and such an interesting way to describe them. Never seen a poem like this before, and I gotta say - I really love it a lot!

Also, I like how it switches:
Only one,

Only two,

It reminds me of a parent saying, "you can only have one," and then giving in and say, "ohh... okay find you can have two."

Even though it's very different from what I expected, I really like this poem, and it reminds me a lot of home (with some cookies :) ). Thank you so much for sharing this interesting poem! It was very nice to read this by you, and I hope you'll stick around! If not, I hope at least that you have a wonderful day and that you'll keep writing! ^^





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