North Star

@Blackwood, that's *used, not uses. Gah, typo. And I do not know how to edit a comment here.

Hello there and welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy your stay here. First off, I think you have a nice start here. The title itself lured me in. I wondered what it could be about "North Star". The title evoked in my mind images of stars and songs of hope and residence.

Now onto the content. I have to say, I was impressed here. Your use of figurative language was quite alright. Your sequence of words was lovely, and most of it flowed well. In addition, I liked the layout.

The only criticism I have is about some of the lines. A few of them seemed too short. I imagine that was the point, but I think the excessive usage of periods contributed to the feeling of it being too short.

I thought this was overall a beautiful and creative peace full of hope and light. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and hope to read more from you soon. Once again, welcome to YWS! I think you definitely will like it here.

Wow, a really good poem all around. The last line, I think, was your strongest, and I think it's always a good idea to end your work with a line that seems either too short or too long. It makes it really stand out, and will have your readers contemplating its profundity. There was a bit of minor punctuation (sea spray = sea-spray, conjunction donchaknow), but otherwise a nice well-rounded work. I'll look forward to reading more.

Hey! I'mma gonna review this!

This is really good! I like the flow in it, it's steady almost like the waves of the sea. Normally I go from stanza to stanza, I will still do that but only to explain what I liked about each stanza and maybe add some suggestions.

First Stanza:

I loved this. I think that it tells of some mystical wonder that no one knows of. Like you wrote this on a scroll for hidden treasure or something. It really brought out a lot of chills for me also, just because of the potential meaning within it. Amazing.

Second Stanza:

And then now you're actually letting me fly! No seriously, the way you wrote this makes the reader feel like they are soaring, and I find that slightly humorous actually because of the small amount of words you used. But I believe that the fact that you wrote such minimal words shows the intensity in each one. If that makes sense.

Third Stanza:

This is just beautiful. I don't know about you, but I am spritual and this really speaks to me. I don't know if you work with anyone but I'd love for you to work with me! I love this. Great job. Honestly I would find mistakes if I could, and before I would probably go off about this and that but I've learned how to properly review and you've done nothing wrong that I can see. Brilliant.

Fourth Stanza:

I liked this one, it didn't move me in any unbelievable way, but it was a very good stanza.

Fifth Stanza/Last Line:

Okay, so for this one I do have a suggestion and just some other thoughts on. First I would suggest you change it to "Follow the North Star that never moves" or "Follow that Star that never moves" I would more recommend the latter. I just read it over many times and I think it flows better. When I first read this in my mind, this last line kind of jutted out at me, and interupted the flow, I think with my suggestions it should flow well. You can try reading it (I would suggest outloud) for yourself and see.

So, overall, I LOVED this! It's really, really good. I seriously cannot wait till you post another work and I will be there to review it! It's really good! It can't be said enough.

And ahhhh! You're new! Welcome to YWS! That's so awesome! I hope you like it here and keep posting!


--Dream on and on and onn.

I really like this. You use very good imagery and that is something that makes a poem for me. I would say I agree with the previous reviewer that you should swap out some of these periods for commas or even other words that link the lines to create a better flow. Overall, one of my favorite poems! Can't wait to see what else you post.

This poem was very good. I read it as a metaphor which could represent a few things. When I read it I thought of both birds and ships.
One thing is I think you should merge the last line with the previous stanza. I assume you probably separated it for effect and emphasis but I think it would work just the same.

Also you use a lot of full-stops (periods in american terms) maybe a few of these could be replaced with a comma for a more flowing feel. However this does give a particular feel with itself. It gives the feeling of being very direct, straight to the point. They know where they are going. If this was your intention keep it as is, if you were aiming for something more shrouded in mystery and lyrical then commas might work better to break up the stubbornness of the sentences.