Young Writers Society

Hello there, and welcome to YWS! This piece needs some work. Just because this is a poem does not mean that it does need punctuation. Also, your subject matter seemed a little dim and confusing. Let's take a look.

levi16 wrote:They came with shovels

Driven, fortuitous, and strong

A man’s game; a woman’s game

Clad with rags and calluses

Shining, reflecting, and profound

Watching and Watching;

The weak,
They watch,

Hello!

I'd like to begin by saying that in terms of quality, this was decent. I didn't see any missing elements (for example, descriptions without an idea), and it wasn't boring to read. That said, I'm rather puzzled by your use of the word "fortuitous". A glance in the dictionary told me that this means "by chance" or "accidental", which seems odd given the apparently precise agenda of the workers; are they not there to build the road? Especially with 'driven' placed right in front. Or perhaps did you mean that the workers simply decided to help out one day? Just curious.

Now, as for that third line of the third stanza, which Howler mentioned, I would say that if you had worded it slightly differently, you could have kept the punctuation as is. I think that if you swap 'asking' with "wondering", you won't have to add quotation marks, which signify dialogue. *shrugs* a suggestion, that's all.

I had a few favorite lines, including "Watching and Watching" (gives importance to the act, interesting decision). I will say that second–to–last–line of the first stanza uses the word "profound", which can't be recommended, because you had to tell us, instead of letting us draw the conclusion ourselves. Find an alternative word to stir the emotions.

Thanks for sharing this with us. A "like–it", indeed.

–antimelrose

First off, let me welcome you to YWS with a picture of a piece of toast;



Now, onto your piece. I really enjoyed it, there's just two very little things that need some correction;

Sitting and asking; Are they done yet?